In Monday’s site open, Lainey mentioned how “horny seems to be one of the themes of 2020 that doesn’t make us feel like sh-t,” and many were assuming Ariana’s new track “Positions” would be all about the positions that get her horny. Overnight she dropped the song (and music video) which serves as the lead single for her sixth studio album, dropping next Friday, and yes, it’s all about “switchin’ the positions for you.” 


“Boy, I’m tryna meet your mama on a Sunday

And make a lotta love on a Monday”

She sings about cookin’ in the kitchen, waiting in the bedroom, even jumping through Olympic hoops for you — which she notes is sh-t she usually doesn’t do, but she wants to do it for you. The song is already stuck in my head. However, when it comes to the aforementioned positions that make her horny, it’s the power positions: the highest office is the land. The music video opens on the White House and it’s Madame President Grande from therein. She’s got her feet up on the desk in the Oval Office and running the West Wing surrounded by a fully femme-presenting cabinet. But President Grande switches up positions too. This is not a sex-less presidency. She’s shown flirting with flour in the kitchen when she’s not in the residence for some more literal position-switching. 

It’s obviously no coincidence this video treatment arrives in an election year, and less than two weeks before America decides. One of the final scenes sees Ms. President (in a halter top, as only Present Grande could) bestow a medal on a United States Postal Service worker, in a Medal of Freedom-like ceremony. The USPS has become an unlikely battleground in this election due to an increased need for mail-in voting during COVID-era safety regulations. 


To think, if the last election had ended differently this video would never had been made. There wouldn’t be a need to imaging an American female presidency. But since we’ve never seen one, we’re fantasizing about the Grande administration and it’s pretty fabulous - face beat, hair extensions, mini skirts fabulous. Remember when Hillary Clinton was criticized for her lack of style, and then when she would wear a flashier outfit it was too much? When her hair wasn’t done it made headlines, but then when it was done she cared to much about her looks. President Grande governs in a post-bullsh-t world. She clearly cares a lot about how she looks, but more importantly draws power from her femininity which is usually seen as a weakness. It’s clear as she struts across the West Wing with posse in tow. It’s equally great that the powerful posse of advisers she’s seeking counsel from don’t all match her aesthetic. There’s power in diversity. 

The final shots of the music video show Madame Grande, the commander-in-chief, being saluted by two marines as she heads out into the snow to walk the dogs. Is Ari sending some of us a message of hope here? Will the White House look a whole lot different by the time flurries start falling?