Ashton Kutcher is getting eaten up for reheating Demi’s The Substance nachos but it’s also important to remember he can’t act for sh-t.

I mentioned Jessica Simpson promoting like it’s 2006 (for Chicken of the Sea) and it’s not just here, there’s an uptick in women doing that throwback type of promo again.

Like Leighton Meester promoting chocolate for Valentine’s Day. This is a recession indicator. But will we ever go back to the days of Chloe Sevigny and Maggie Gyllenhaal at Target?

Yesterday I said Club Chalamet was circling Connor Storrie and now, she’s done it. The account is in the works. But I have a theory that this will not have the same impact as Club Chalamet. When she started obsessing over Timmy, he didn’t have the fame or reach he does now. The Heated Rivalry boys are already in the stratosphere, they are everywhere, there’s a million fan accounts. They have an online army that is quick, funny and heavily invested. She will not be the leader of the pack and if anything, they will rebuke her efforts because they were there first.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban finalized their divorce; she spent the holidays in Australia with her girls and now she’s in Chile. A source told PEOPLE she is “refreshed and optimistic”. Maybe she wants to date again, maybe she doesn’t but if she were looking… who are we Gossip Genie-ing her with? Does Colin Farrell have a girlfriend right now? That would be epic. (I was also going to suggest Jamie Foxx, until I remembered that he dated Katie Holmes.)

The Queer Eye fallout is getting messier by the day, it’s running parallel to the Beckhams. Tan France posted a photo and didn’t tag Karamo… or he couldn’t because Karamo blocked him? Dun dun dunnnnnn.

I don’t care, I don’t care – I am INTO it!

Photo credits: ETTORE FERRARI/EPA/Shutterstock

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