Dear Gossips,

Did you see Star Wars: The Last Jedi this weekend? Did you love it? Or are you one of those fanboys bitching about it because it was too funny, or something? 

I LOVED it…but it didn’t start off that way. You know how it starts off, literally?

Close-up on BB-8. And he gets to say – or “beep” – one of the most iconic lines in the franchise. 

Like it’s not enough that there’s a BB-8 close-up practically every 5 minutes, they had to OPEN ON A CLOSE-UP of that little droid Kardashian. Even Benicio del Toro talked about all of BB-8’s close-ups recently:

“I tell you honestly, BB-8 had, like, 4 close-up takes. I had two.”

Um, Benicio del Toro is an Oscar winner…which still doesn’t bother me as much as the fact that while BB-8 is glamour-shotting himself through the entire movie, R2-D2 barely shows up at all. This is a metaphor for life. R2 has travelled the galaxy, archiving historical video footage that the entire story is built around. He’s fixed the Millennium Falcon God knows how many times. HE HUNG OUT WITH YODA. And now he’s been forgotten, pushed aside by a thirsty little preening famewhore who asks for belly rubs. 

Belly rubs! 

My boy R2 got dropped in a swamp and didn’t need a belly rub when he came out all filthy and slimed and BB-8 requires a pat on the lower ball every time he comes home. 

Check out this photo of John Boyega, Daisy Ridley, and Luke Skywalker with BB-8 last week in London at the photo call. You see their expressions? Daisy and Luke, they know. They’ve had to work with him now for 5 years.  

BB8 getting told

Yours in gossip,