Everyone loves How the Grinch Stole Christmas, both the original Dr. Seuss book, and the 1966 animated Christmas special that re-runs every year on television. Everyone knows the song, and everyone recognizes the Grinch’s sneering green face, which is why Hollywood will insist on trying to recreate that 1966 magic by remaking How the Grinch Stole Christmas. But let’s be clear—nobody likes the remake. The 2000 live action movie with Jim Carrey is an abomination, and now there is a trailer for an animated version coming from the people who make the Minions, called simply The Grinch. IT LOOKS LIKE A NIGHTMARE.

First of all, you can’t get through Illumination’s title card without a f*cking Minion popping up. (How many Minion Easter eggs do you think there will be in The Grinch? 673? Conservatively?) Second of all, the Grinch, when rendered in the Illumination house style, looks like a fuzzy booger with eyes. Thirdly, the trailer boasts that Benedict Cumberbatch is voicing the Grinch, but he’s doing a weird voice. Why is he doing that voice? Why would you hire Benedict Cumberbatch only to make him sound like not Benedict Cumberbatch? Just let the Grinch have a plummy English accent, it’s what the people want to hear. (Same goes for Marvel, who says Doctor Strange has to be American?) 

And fourth of all, IS THIS A PREQUEL? It looks like a prequel. On the list of backstories we do not need explained, the Grinch is like fourth. It goes like this: The Joker, Dracula, Boba Fett, the Grinch. We don’t need to know the history of any of these characters, we just need to know they’re up to no good right now. What is a Grinch prequel anyway? An entire movie of the Grinch being a dick? The trailer is two minutes of that, I’m good, thanks. This looks like a prequel, and the Grinch has a cute dog, so I am, naturally, VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE DOG. If the Grinch’s backstory turns out to be that some dumbass Who down in Whoville accidentally kills the Grinch’s cute dog… I don’t even have words for that. It is unspeakable. We don’t need a Grinch prequel and we really don’t need a gritty Grinch reboot.