Beyoncé is her own Grammys

Remember the story that Lin-Manual Miranda told about the time Beyoncé came to see Hamilton and what happened when she met Jonathan Groff backstage? She loved his performance. And in particular she loved Jonathan’s King George walk, so much that she imitated him to him, telling him that, “You were your Own turntable”.

That’s where the title of this post comes from. She is her OWN Grammys. The Carters won a Grammy last night for Best Urban Contemporary Album. As you know, they didn’t bother to show up – although that didn’t stop people from trying to conjure the Beysus spirit: during Mi Gente in the opening number and then Michelle Obama referencing the women in music who “run the world”. Still, we know the Carters’ relationship with the Grammys. They want them there for the eyeballs but they insist on keeping them in their category lanes. So Beyoncé and Jay-Z had a presence on Grammy weekend, but it was at their own party, the annual Roc Nation brunch. 

 

My friends, real friends, better than your friends…

If the Oscars are looking at Jennifer Aniston’s birthday party guest list with envy, the Grammys were also probably looking at the Roc Nation party guest list wistfully. This is now one of the key annual events during Grammys week. I’d rather go to Roc Nation than the Grammys, if only to find out what this conversation was about:

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner were randomly there. Do you think they got any face time with Beyoncé. 

I’m telling you, the gossip at the Roc Nation party was probably a lot better. Even the gossip that wasn’t gossip to begin with. Have you heard what happened with Lori Harvey? Lori is Steve Harvey’s daughter. And she at one point was seen talking to Jay:

You probably know what happened next, right? 

The BeyHive. They saw some sh-t in the way she was smiling at him, the way she cocked her head to one side…

And they interpreted it as a flirty move. So they swarmed: 

  

LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Sorry, but some of these tweets, while totally and obviously overreactions, were hilarious. Were they overreactions though (in a high pitched voice)? Look. That’s why we love Photo Assumption, our favourite game of gossip based on body language interpretation – often highly unreliable but based on our understanding of the human condition. This is the head tilt we see every weekend at the club, the move some of may have pulled ourselves at the club. Which is why this sh-t happens: it’s because it’s familiar to us, albeit in a different setting. 

I doubt Lori Harvey meant anything. That said, none of this happens if not for Jay’s history. We all know he’s f-cked it up before. So the BeyHive’s aggressive policing is, well, it’s unreasonable and cruel, but it’s also misdirected. Smiling and head-tilting isn’t going to work if there’s nothing to work on, you know?