For the last couple of weeks, it seems that every single day there’s a new story about the Royal Girl Sh-t that’s supposedly going on between Catherine Cambridge and Meghan Markle. The latest, I think, is that Princess Kate read Royal Meghan for being a bitch to her staff. It’s gotten so bad that Kensington Palace actually issued a statement to The Sun, denying the reports, saying that, “This never happened”. Now Prince Harry and Meghan are supposedly on a “mole hunt” to find out where this sh-t is coming from and all of it, of course, fits a certain narrative and gross subtext: that the biracial, former American once-divorced actress has come into the royal family and contaminated the purity pool with her Hollywood attitude and her unpolished behaviour. Also, White Kate to the rescue. She’s protecting the realm.

But while the Cambridges are certainly the beneficiaries of the turn against Meghan, did they have a hand in how all this began? Remember, this all began with the release of Robert Jobson’s Prince Charles biography that included information that would most likely have come directly from Buckingham Palace and Clarence House courtiers that presented Prince William and Prince Harry unfavourably. William was called “a little grand”. He didn’t appreciate being overshadowed. He has a big ego and a quick temper. And Harry is prone to emotional outbursts. After that, it was reported that William and Harry are considering separating their courts. And that is when all the boy sh-t, the father and son sh-t, morphed into girl sh-t pitting the duchesses against each other and rebranding Meghan as Yoko Ono. 

What, then, is the end game here for the courtiers who originally started the fire with the Jobson reporting? To strengthen the position of the older royals, presumably, making sure that Charles is in fact the stable and steady one while the young royals, though popular, are still volatile and immature. Remember, every once in a while, there’s an opinion that always resurfaces about Charles stepping aside for William. As recently as last year there were articles published about the very possibility. Over the last year, Buckingham Palace and Clarence House have worked closely to strengthen Charles’s position with the Queen’s support, particularly in the lead-up to his 70th birthday celebrations. As the royal drama has gotten louder and louder these past few weeks, who’s come out of this with no stink at all while rumours rage about whether there’s a power struggle going on between his sons and their wives? It’s the Prince of Wales. Coincidence or conspiracy? 

It was confirmed yesterday that the Cambridges and the Sussexes will be spending Christmas at Sandringham even though it was previously assumed that Will and Kate and their kids would be with the Middletons. Many think this is damage control, intended to shut down all the noise. Not sure it will since people are already interpreting it as damage control and even if they do walk to church with smiles and light steps, the way they did last year, that’s really their only option – it’s not like they would ever have a catwalk-off right before the walkabout, as amazing as that would be. If only Kate and Meghan could both, in their own ways, tell their husbands to wear their own f-cking boy sh-t, so that they don’t have to play out this tired ass trope when, really, again, all of this is rooted in the politics of lineage with a side order of casual racism thrown in – in other words, the familiar story of the British royal family.