Super Bowl Trailers: Earth Edition

We’ve looked at the space-set Super Bowl trailers, now here are the ones set on Earth. Let’s start with Scream 7, which brings Neve Campbell back to the franchise.

I just don’t know how seriously I’m supposed to take Ghostface after all these years. I know it’s a different villain under the mask every time, but Ghostface has been saying some variation of “I’m going to make everyone you love suffer” for 30 solid years and he never f-cking defeats Sidney Prescott. None of them ever defeat Sidney Prescott. Choosing to become a Ghostface to enact an overcomplicated revenge plan on Sidney Prescott is just signing your own death warrant at this point. Why are people still doing this? At what point do they see the dark web ad looking for a new Ghostface and decide they actually don’t want to die today?

Also, Sidney Prescott is not “30 years of rage vendetta” interesting. Her mother sure sounded interesting, but Sidney herself is f-cking basic. Can we just admit that? Sidney is basic! All these Ghostfaces are dying for the cause of traumatizing a basic bitch from small-town California! I swear, the Scream movies have the worst f-cking lore in the horror genre. Much love to Neve Campbell, cash those checks, but can we PLEASE stop with the Ghostface charade? I cannot take this seriously! I haven’t been able to take Ghostface seriously since a classmate dressed as Ghostface bum-rushed me by my locker in tenth grade! That’s the scariest Ghostface has ever been!

Moving on, Steven Spielberg’s summer blockbuster, Disclosure Day, offered a new trailer, this time with less emphasis on Emily Blunt. I think it’s because none of us believed she’s a normal person from Kansas City.

 

But now I have a second problem with Disclosure Day, and that is that if this plot is actually about aliens, we know this is not how people would react. The government basically admitted aliens are real a few years ago and we all shrugged. I think what I am really wanting is a movie in which aliens come to Earth and we all go, “No one has time for this, Barbara!” and then the aliens have to figure out what the f-ck is wrong with Earth that we’re so stressed out we don’t care about them.

Disclosure Day could end up very entertaining, but once again, the trailers are just not hitting right for me. Maybe you’re more jazzed about it. This is also a movie, though, that traditional Hollywood thinking says should be a hit this summer—Spielberg + aliens = money—but again, I do not trust audiences. We’ll see how it plays.

Finally, a teaser for The Adventures of Cliff Booth, a sequel to Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood, written by Quentin Tarantino and directed by David Fincher. It comes complete with cheeky censorship blocks to tease how naughty the movie will be.

I am not here to gas up Brad Pitt, but goddammit. That looks entertaining as hell. It has Elizabeth Debicki being tall! I can’t resist Elizabeth Debicki being tall! Never mind Timothy Olyphant is also in it, as are Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Carla Gugino, and THE Holt McCallany. This is a lot of people that I like. And from a cinematic perspective, I am interested to compare and contrast Tarantino’s and Fincher’s takes on a shared cinematic world. From the trailer, I can tell that Adventures is shot in Fincher’s signature moody lighting, which is a strong contrast to Tarantino’s more sun-drenched style in Hollywood. This is the kind of sh-t I am going to get super nerdy about.

Adventures is a Netflix release, and it just finished filming a few weeks ago. It’s penciled in for 2026, so will it be a fall festival tour for Pitt later this year? Or will Netflix drop it straight into the content firehose? Surely given Tarantino, Pitt, and Fincher’s involvement this will get some kind of splashy release during the fall. This is Brad Pitt’s Oscar-winning role, after all. Will he try to come for Best Actor this time?