Smutty Social Media, June 28, 2017

2017 has gotten the lifestyle site it deserves – Lindsay Lohan’s Preemium, a subscription service that will offer her personal diaries and photos, beauty and lifestyle tutorials and shopping guides. I have so many questions. Will Dina Lohan have an advice column? Who funded this (and how long until they sue Lindsay, or vice versa)? Will elocution lessons be offered? It costs $2.99 a month, in human dollars. I’m almost curious enough to sign up but I’m worried my credit card number will be stolen.

#nicegirls @britneyspears @parishilton come to #mykonos for my birthday this weekend 😊 @Beyonce you too— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) June 28, 2017

If Michelle Rodriguez and The Rock team up, Vin Diesel will have a mutiny on his hands. (Also, I have to mention this every time I bring up Vin Diesel: for years I thought xXx and the Fast franchise were the same thing. Yes I’m a dum dum.)

 

F8 is out digitally today, I hope they decide to show some love to the women of the franchise on the next one. Or I just might have to say goodbye to a loved franchise. It's been a good ride & Im grateful for the opportunity the fans & studio have provided over the years... One Love 🤘🏼❤️🤗🙏🦄✨🌍🙊🤔

A post shared by Michelle Rodriguez (@mrodofficial) onJun 27, 2017 at 8:43am PDT

First off, that’s an alias; he keeps a stash of passports and money under his crib just in case he needs to disappear. Second, he immediately assassinated the doctor (who was part of some shadowy underground criminal element – details are scarce). “I've swallowed enough microchips and sh-t them back out again to make a computer. This arm has been ripped off completely and re-attached with *this* f-ckin' arm.”

 

Our little man arrived! Jack Oscar Statham - 8.8lbs on Saturday June 24th. 👼🏼❤️

A post shared by Rosie HW (@rosiehw) onJun 28, 2017 at 7:43am PDT

Annabelle Wallis wants you to know she and Chris Martin are still together. Because it’s not like Chris Martin would openly cheat, he hasn’t done that before, has he? Remember when he threatened to sue Star Magazine for reporting that he brazenly made out with Kate Bosworth while he was married to GP? Hmmm, whatever happened to that lawsuit. (Nothing, because he didn’t follow through on his threat.)

This time last year on the pyramid stage at @GlastoFest @coldplay
I love you all!! ❤️❤️ pic.twitter.com/TOINdEuxlN— Annabelle Wallis (@WallisAnnabelle) June 25, 2017

Rebel Wilson x Angels is launching – size 14-24, price range $49-$298. As I wrote about a few weeks back, she won her lawsuit against Bauer but now has to recalibrate because she lost two big jobs. She is back to auditioning. But clothing (and shoes, hair care, makeup) – is that the new Plan B? Not just for Wilson, but for so many of them that live in between a powerhouse and a reality star.

 

Pumped for the launch party tonight of REBEL WILSON x ANGELS #StyleHasNoSize

A post shared by Rebel Wilson (@rebelwilson) onJun 27, 2017 at 10:30am PDT

Nothing says how “weird” you think pap shots are quite like posting them on your own social media feed.

You see, these are things you can't possibly know how weird u look doing - until someone's photographing it https://t.co/YqAn8iokCV— Ruby Rose (@RubyRose) June 25, 2017

“Torch your bra” is a great sentiment, in theory. I wish I could go braless. Rachel Bloom has explained it best.

 

on it

A post shared by Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) onJun 26, 2017 at 6:35pm PDT

 

The show of one million bras. #Repost @melinarootcostumedesigner ・・・ Back to business on season 3

A post shared by Rachel Bloom (@racheldoesstuff) onJun 25, 2017 at 1:21pm PDT