Could Rihanna bump us onto a brighter timeline by releasing new music?

Okay, let’s reset the vibes with one billionaire who doesn’t annoy me, Rihanna. It can be said no one makes a billion dollars without exploiting someone, but Rihanna is not currently decimating Hollywood studios, so she’s the poison I choose. Also, it’s her birthday month!

Rihanna turned 38 on February 20. I do not appreciate anything about the passage of time, least of all this series of numbers: Riri’s first album, Music of the Sun, which includes “Pon de Replay”, turns 21 this year; it’s been a whole decade since Rihanna’s last album, Anti; and Riri is now thirty-eight entire years old. These numbers are too big. We must make the numbers smaller.

Also, everyone talks about the vibe shift since 2016, pointing to the obvious factor of Donald Trump’s first election to the US presidency, but have we considered that what we need is for Rihanna to release new music to bump us back onto a brighter timeline? I have long said to leave Rihanna alone and let her do whatever, but I have been thinking about Anti being ten years old ever since Lainey brought it up and now I’m like…actually, maybe Riri SHOULD get back into the studio.

Or not. One album from one artist is probably not going to fix anything. Probably. Almost certainly. But it would give us a new, small number. If Rihanna released new music, we would have a new timeline to track, one that is not counted in f-cking DECADES. Please, I do not like to count higher than ten. Rihanna, release new music so I can stop counting over ten! If it resets the vibes, that’s just a bonus.