Sasha and I start a conversation about Kylie Jenner which was my plan all along because what I really wanted to talk about was ear blackheads and squeezing all the sh-t out of them. Also we role-play a situation in which you find out that your husband made mixtape for and deletes texts from a “sports enthusiast divorcee” in his life. Hmmmm. On this week’s episode of Sasha Answers

The word “benefactor” has been coming up a lot in ma’s Chinese astrology posts. I wish there was a direct translation for the Chinese term. In Chinese, a “benefactor”, or the term for it, feels a lot more divine than its English counterpart. Growing up, whenever I heard my ma talk about “benefactors”, I pictured them like wizards, and they’d magically and mysteriously appear in kung fu TV series. This, I think, is how some people in Miami now feel about Drake. (Dlisted) 

It’s true what the FUG Girls are saying – that, often, somehow, Dakota Johnson underwhelms a dress. Like she never really goes for it. Even when she’s wearing something batsh-t, which I do appreciate. Is it the hair? It might be the hair. Anyway, this white dress, OMG, so f-cking boring. But. I have a theory. My theory is that she’s dressing to the quality of the sex scenes in the Fifty Shades movies. Right? WHY aren’t those scenes hotter? Are we finally going to see Christian Grey come? There’s a movie crusade that the Men’s Rights assholes can take up: let Christian come. Start a petition. (Go Fug Yourself) 

Is this like the Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck of Japan? Princess Mako has postponed her wedding. JLO and Ben, remember, postponed their wedding like 4 days before their wedding. A platinum gossip couple they were, weren’t they? Anyway, the wedding got called off, they went out for dinner in front of the paps immediately afterwards to underscore that they were still together. And then broke up for good four months later. Can an engagement survive a postponed wedding? (Cele|bitchy) 

Emily did this Can Your Donut Choices Predict Your Birth Month quiz and it worked for her. I did it and the result was off by one month. Here’s why it didn’t work for me: because my favourite, favourite, favourite donut ever only comes up once. That would be the Boston cream donut, which they don’t even call the Boston cream donut. They call it the custard-something. Why wasn’t it offered more often? Is it not that popular? It’s popular where I live. (Buzzfeed)

Name your favourite celebrity couple. Brange? Beyonce and Jay-Z? Selena and Justin? Channing and Jenna? The Beckhams? JLO and Arod? (Ew.) Mila and Ashton? (WHY?) The Obamas? Gabrielle and Dwyane? Rihanna and Drake? (It’s over forever there, isn’t it?) OK. So now that you’re thinking about your favourite celebrity couples, how soon do Maya Rudolph and Paul Thomas Anderson come up? How high are they on your list? Here’s a case for why they should be #1. (The Cut) 

Stop what you’re doing. Bookmark this article for later, for tonight, with a glass of wine, or a cocktail, or some scotch, or a mug of coffee, even milk if that’s your thing – just make sure you have something to savour while you’re savouring another BONKERS QUINCY JONES INTERVIEW. You thought his interview with GQ last week was bananas? THIS. Read THIS. We are going to talk about this again tomorrow. Do your homework. It’s mandatory. (Vulture)