“When they go low, we go high,” said Michelle Obama.
This is not the case for Emily Ratajkowski who, through recent social media posts, is showing that she’ll get right down there with you if you’ve wronged her. She’s been very active on social media since her initially quiet split from Sebastian Bear-McClard in July, and in her most recent post, she seems to be taking digs at her ex.
Back in July, Maria mentioned Emily’s shady Twitter likes (which, according to my search today are intensifying in shade). But she’s taking it a step further, now. Rather than just liking subtweets, she’s filming content herself, alluding to being drawn in by “ugly” men.
A couple of days ago she stitched a video of a woman who was applying makeup during a video, captioned “When he thinks he’s a 10 because he pulled you but you like ugly men.”
Sure, this is a viral trend that’s been going on for a few months now. “They’re a 10 but…” and the poster can fill in the rest with something that applies to them. Men and women alike have had a field day with this, citing real-life examples of people they dated. Some of them are relatable af. In Emily’s case, regardless of whether we find this relatable, I think we can all agree that this is definitely a shot at Sebastian.
I love me some shade. I love me some tea. And I love me some mess. I also feel like everyone has the right to deal with breakups, divorces, and infidelity in whatever way they feel they need to, so long as someone isn’t being emotionally, financially or physically abused by a certain way of coping. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned for how this is going to impact her future co-parenting situation with Sebastian. I hate to be a wet blanket on the social media shade, but I’ve been there. And it never ends well.
Before I split with my daughter’s dad in 2018, I remember tweeting, “Men are not to be lived with.” At the time, I was going through a lot. I had purchased this home with this guy who I felt like I didn’t even know anymore. I was sleeping next to a stranger - the nights he wasn’t on the couch, anyway. And all I could fantasize about was me and my daughter living in a beautifully decorated, super chic pink palace. Read: tiny, overpriced condo. I craved independence, I craved my own space, I craved being away from the situation I was in.
He had been checking my social media and he saw that tweet. And it hurt him. Bad. When he brought it to my attention, I was quiet. And I remember thinking, screw your feelings! You get to go around and hurt me but I put a tweet on social media and now we have to cry about it in a circle? Pftttt. Why does it feel like it always fall on the woman to have to be diplomatic and composed? I want to burn some sh-t down!
I would go on to tweet a lot more personal reflections, most of which he would see and continue to be hurt by. There was a certain vindication that came with posting these things. It was a way of letting him know he hurt me. And to be honest, it was my way of hurting him back. But after a certain point, I knew it had to be less about my pain and more about salvaging whatever was left of this co-parenting relationship for the sake of my daughter. And I had to remind myself of her every single time my Twitter fingers ferociously input text into that box.
Rather than burn some sh-t down, I got back into softball. Whenever I’d get a good hit, my coach would ask, “Man, whose head was that?” I’d laugh it off, but I used whatever image I needed to get that ball where it needed to be. I got back into therapy. I got back into journaling and redirected all of my shady tweets there. I tried to find the healthiest ways possible to heal. Ways that wouldn’t further the damage to my relationship with my ex, and ways that wouldn’t get my daughter in the middle anymore than she already was.
There is such a thin line to tow when it comes to wanting to do the right thing, but also wanting people to pay for the way they treated you. You want to shout it from the mountaintops. Using social media as somewhat of a diary, even when you’re just an average human being, like me, can have negative effects.
But when you’re a celebrity, you have to know that these things will turn into speculation (I mean, look how the speculation about Harry Styles “spitting” on Chris Pine set the internet ablaze). And that speculation will turn into article, and those will be on the internet for years to come.
Woman to woman, human to human, I understand Emily’s pain. And I think what she’s doing is trying to take her power back from a situation she felt helpless in. Despite her financial and beauty privilege, she’s still a young, a first-time mom, with legal bindings to this man, who was reported to be a serial cheater. That’s humiliating. It’s hurtful. And it’s no wonder it took over a month for us to start seeing this kind of content from her after their split. Trying to process all of that and raise a young son and promote her book is a full plate by anyone’s standard.
Personally, I think we’ll be seeing more of this content from her. And until she finds a better, healthier way to cope, I hope she’s careful. I hope she’s thoughtful. But more than anything, I hope she heals.