Erin Andrews divides the internet

The internet is divided over recent remarks made by veteran Fox Sports sideline reporter Erin Andrews during a recent taping of her podcast, Calm Down with Erin and Charissa. A listener had submitted a question and while answering it, she spoke candidly about the trade-offs of being a sportscaster.

“This is what one of my first professors said: ‘If you don’t want to make $40,000 in your first job, get out. If you don’t want to be told you need a nose job, get out. If you don’t want to be divorced, get out. If you don’t want to work holidays, get out,’” she recalled.

But then she continued, this time speaking anecdotally about the sacrifices she has made – and that’s what seems to have set everyone off in a tizzy.

“I don’t say it like that, but I say you got to love what you do because I miss all holidays. I didn’t get married until I was in my 40s. Not that that is going to be your route, but I live out of a suitcase. I miss a lot of stuff. I missed a lot of weddings. I miss a lot of events. You have to love it to get through…” she explained.

The reaction was swift. Social media users and even other sportscasters chimed in. The reactions varied from people saying she isn’t owed any sympathy due to her choosing career over family. Other users shared their own experiences missing holidays and not going on to make the money that she has despite working as first responders. And others expressed that what she was saying was characteristic of any demanding job.

To be clear, I think there is validity in a lot of the responses. Yes, she did choose a career over starting a family. And by all accounts, it seems to have paid off for her. And yes, there are people working jobs that play a greater part in helping our society function who are missing just as much, if not more, and earning a lot less. But it’s interesting to see how visceral the reactions can be to a woman speaking candidly about sacrifices she had to make in order to have a successful career. 

What Erin is saying is nothing new. More and more, women everywhere have been sharing their own version of similar experiences for ages. Earlier this year, Tracee Ellis Ross spoke about the nuanced grief she feels about having foregone motherhood and marriage, despite an enjoyable and successful life and career. I wrote about that here. And I’ve written about how undesirable Michelle Obama made marriage seem, even to Barack Obama, when she revealed that she had to take a supporting role and go through hard times for a decade and do the brunt of the domestic duties while he served as the first Black president of the USA. For women, everything is a trade-off - and we can’t be pissed off when someone chooses what matters more to them. 

That’s why it came as such a shock to see this take from Erin’s fellow female sportscaster, ESPN NFL reporter Jenna Laine. She had this to say in response to Erin’s remarks:

I think what stands out here is that Jenna is encouraging Erin to have some perspective. But where is hers? Erin is on a podcast answering a question a listener submitted about doing her job. Why do we expect women to add some sort of disclaimer about the fact that there are people out there who are worse off when we want to be open and honest about our experience? It’s an impossible expectation to meet. So seeing Erin clap back - not only to Jenna (which resulted in Jenna privatizing her account, by the way) but to several other sportscasters and social media users who took issue with what she said – was not only refreshing, but kind of necessary due to how out of context her comments had been taken.

The other thing that stands out is the fact that we simply would not be having this conversation if sentiments similar to what Erin shared were made by a man. And I highly doubt that a man, be it an athlete or sportscaster, would even be asked a question about what sacrifices are needed in order to achieve success. Because we know what people mean when they talk about sacrifice to women. They are talking about the sacrificing of prescriptive roles assigned to us – wife and mother. And to me, that suggests that there is an invisible but omnipresent understanding that by choosing career over family, delaying marriage and not bearing any children, she is going against the societal grain.

But if we were to have that conversation, about men who sacrifice things in order to have a successful career, chances are it would go a lot differently. We saw that recently when college football player Archie Wilson had a tearful press conference back in August. When asked if it was his first time being away from his family, Archie became overcome with emotion and broke down in tears. This clip went viral, earning him a place on the TODAY show in the Jenna’s Morning Boost segment. After airing the clip, the show hosts can be heard saying things like:

“That is the sweetest thing, ever.” 

Granted, there’s a bit of a difference. Erin is a woman in her 40s who has had a long career. On the other hand, Archie is just getting started. But to everyone that said she made a choice, hasn’t Archie? And she may not be in tears, which I’m sure would garner an even more harsh reaction, but what she’s expressing is, in fact, a pretty emotional sentiment. And it’s that in order for her to have a career, she had to give up some things. And part of the irony of it all is that Erin was speaking directly to the Archies of the world about what exactly is in store for them due to the choices that they’ve made – which, yes, is career over family, sometimes. 

But if we’re being honest, do we think that Archie will have to forego having children in order to be a successful football player? Do we think he’ll be lambasted by sports fans for missing holidays and time with his family? I’d argue he’d face more backlash for missing a game. And do we think he’ll be told that he deserves ‘no sympathy’ because of the choices that he’s made? The assumptions here are clear – his wife will take care of the home while he is away. 

Men can and do miss holidays all the time due to work. According to the Pew Research Center, women are more likely than men to adjust their work lives for family responsibilities, including missing events. And women are more likely than men to adjust their careers for family life. So the fact that Erin is not following this prescription kind of explains why people are so up in arms about how she chooses to live her life.

I think the keywords there are she, chooses and of the greatest importance, her life. Because it’s her life. She’s allowed to make a killing after years of work. She’s allowed to delay marriage. She’s allowed to not become a mother, even if the only reason for that is because she cared more about having a career. And she’s also allowed to feel conflicted – or however the hell she wants - about what she gave up in order to gain.