Super Bowl trailers: the other ones

The blockbusters have had their say, now let’s look at the other movie trailers Hollywood elected to show off on game day. It’s mostly family-friendly stuff, plus trailers for a couple of movies I’m surprised studios are willing to spend this big on (in-game ads ran about $8 million for 30 seconds this year, and about $4.5 million for pre-game spots). 

I know M3gan was an unexpected hit, but Universal has now run ads during both the Grammys AND on Super Bowl Sunday, the marketing budget for this movie is insane. They’re obviously expecting a great return, but the spot is just that creepy android dancing to Chappell Roan’s “Femininomenon”, which is a great song, but the creepy android dancing is no longer fresh and surprising.

 

Part of me is like “M3gan 2.0 might be a surprise hit”, and part of me is like “they’re putting this movie up against Brad Pitt, that’s bonkers”. I guess we’ll find out on June 27, when F1 and M3gan 2.0 open on the same day.

The other movie I’m not convinced has a good “Super Bowl Sunday ROI” is Novocaine, starring Jack Quaid. I like Jack Quaid, I think he’s got the best of both his parents (Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid) as a performer, and he generally keeps his head down and does his work and doesn’t belabor the nepo baby thing, not unlike Margaret Qualley and Dakota Johnson. I think he’s going to escape that label like they have based on the quality of his work. Head’s up for NSFW language in the trailer:

 

Novocaine looks fun, but it is very much a B-movie, the kind of beat-em-up action movie you get in spring or fall, the kind that can be very fun and that does okay enough but isn’t knocking anyone’s socks off. You know that kind of movie? It’s the level Jason Statham usually operates on, it’s the level I hoped Love Hurts would reach—it didn’t—and it’s a kind of movie I usually enjoy. But a Super Bowl spot? In this economy? Paramount, what are you up to? Someone check on them, I don’t think they’re okay.

In a more family-friendly vein, Universal unveiled a new spot for the live-action How to Train Your Dragon. I get it, the shot-for-shot remake thing is inherently bad, and we don’t NEED these movies, and the animated films are wonderful and hold up so what are we even doing? 

DRAGONS. GET IN, LOSERS, WE’RE DOING DRAGONS.

 

I get it, I do, I don’t even disagree with the arguments—it’s all IP maintenance and not for nothing Universal is opening a new theme park this summer called “Epic Universe” and one of the themed areas is “Isle of Berk” from HTTYD and OF COURSE they want a big movie to get people excited about going to the theme park and yes, it’s all a commercial but LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT MY PRECIOUS BABY TOOTHLESS. He is my terrible fire son, and I love him. 

In a similar vein, Disney’s marketing department is KILLING IT with the live-action Lilo & Stitch. Do we need this film, too? No. Just like HTTYD it’s IP maintenance and undoubtedly Disney will be promoting their Hawaiian resort as a tie-in with the movie, and cinema is just commercials now and that does hurt my soul a little bit, but using their game spot to fake Stitch running amok on the film is great marketing. 

 

It works whether or not you know Lilo & Stitch. Either they’re nailing it, or you’re curious about what that thing is and what it’s saying. It’s cute, Stitch is cute, he is my terrible nonsense son, and I love him, too. At their best, the live-action versions of animated movies can make beloved characters feel more tangibly real, like Monsieur Toilette in Beauty and the Beast, whom I think about at least once a day. This is what Lilo & Stitch and HTTYD are getting right so far—the new versions of beloved characters look GREAT. 

We don’t need these movies, but they exist, and at the very least, we should hope they’re good. And these two look like they might actually be good. Will they be “the Beast pooped in a guy’s mouth for ten years” good? No, nothing will ever be that good. But on the scale of live-action adaptations of animated movies, HTTYD and Lilo & Stitch might not be the worst offenders. It’s all I’m asking for, just don’t be total sh-t. The bar is so low. Please step over it.