Richard Madden’s face is a distraction. I found his face distracting in Bodyguard. I mainlined the series in about a day so it’s not that his distractingly attractive features took away from my viewing experience, it’s just that Richard Madden’s got a face that you can’t stop staring at. It’s DISTRACTING. I say all of this because the woman carrying Fiji water who went viral last night was so committed to her job, she was not distracted by Richard Madden’s face. 

In every picture I’ve seen of “Fiji Water Girl,” as the Internet is calling her, she is not looking at Richard Madden. She is looking straight into the camera with a smirk and the confidence of a hydrated woman whose thirst has already been quenched. I’m sorry, I had to. We don’t know Fiji Water Girl’s name. This is what the company (they must be THRILLED by all this press) told Buzzfeed about her

FIJI Water Girl is a Los Angeles-based model and first-time FIJI Water Brand Ambassador. 

Is going viral on the first day on the job like the Gen Z equivalent of getting a promotion on the first day? There were other Fiji Water women working last night. Page Six has the photos. I have yet to see any of these other alleged Fiji Water models in a single photo. Fiji Water Girl is a STAR.

She hasn’t been identified by post time but I’m sure by noon she’ll have a deal to star in a rom-com with Richard Madden. The meet-cute is that she’s on the red-carpet shilling water and he’s an up-and-coming actor about to win his first big award and they’re both too nervous to look at each other… until they do. There’s a joke in here somewhere about that time Richard was refused a bottle of water at Netflix but I can’t figure it out because the lack of sleep is getting to me. 

Richard won Best Actor in a TV Drama for Bodyguard. It’s a good show. As Sarah wrote in her review, it’s STRESSFUL. Richard is solid in it but he’s definitely not better than Stephan James or Matthew Rhys, and I haven’t seen Pose yet (I know) but I would bet Billy Porter turns it out harder than Richard Madden ever could. 

The thing about Richard is that even though his face is so distracting, I forget about him as soon as he’s out of the frame. I almost forgot he won tonight until I saw his Fiji Girl photobombs blowing up. Some of you are yelling at me about his accent or how you could never forget Robb Stark, King In the North. But I don’t understand how someone be so inexplicably handsome while at the same time being so utterly unmemorable? The man got upstaged by a woman carrying Fiji water! (Lainey: this is a true story. While we were lining up the posts last night, Duana and I were on the side of dropping Richard Madden and then Kathleen was like, but Fiji Water! At which point we were like, yeah, OK. Fiji Water saved Richard.)