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So I totally understand why some of you have Gerard Butler on your Freebie Five. I saw 300, I saw the rippling muscles, I’m not a rippling muscles kind of girl but absolutely… I don’t question his quiver over your loins. He is a fine looking man.

But beefcakes have never been my thing. Chippendales has never been my thing. And the only men who get me off with super ripped abs and oil dripping all over them happen to be gay dancers. But even ‘roidy gay dancers have that Problem. The same Problem Jakey has. The same Problem Gerry has: it’s the Pants…

Check him out at the Taurus Awards the other night. And please…don’t tell me this is a turn on. I get that he might be your #1. But don’t tell me he’s turnin’ you on with these pants. They are too tight in places, too short on the bottom, and they simply don’t hang. Am sorry…but to me this is worse than Jake Gyllenhaal.

Forgive?

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