Dear Gossips, 

It’s almost time. For what? 

What else?

Tomorrow night. Beyoncé performs at Coachella. Beychella!


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I have some anxiety about this. Beyoncé is scheduled to go on stage on Saturday night at 11:05pm PT. The performance will be livestreamed on Coachella’s YouTube channel. I’ll be in the Eastern Time zone. So for me that’s 2am. Which means I need to nap and set the alarm. Waiting until the next morning to watch is not an option. Like, I don’t want to take the chance that, for one reason or another, it’s a live-only situation and they’ll take it down immediately afterwards since Beyoncé is performing next weekend too. Besides, it’s more fun to watch what she’s doing and how people are reacting to it on Twitter. 

The problem is that I’m going to New York for work for the day on Saturday and my return flight is supposed to land at 8pm and everyone here in Toronto is freaking out over a possible ice storm that could be an asshole for travelers that night. (What the f-ck, it’s mid-April!?!) Also I’m flying out of LaGuardia, which has a sh-t reputation for delays. I’m worried that I’ll be stuck there. I’m worried that my Beyoncé viewing conditions will not be optimal. Beyoncé requires an excellent wifi connection and full focus. I need to be properly tucked in, with snacks, and a drink at the ready. And I now have visions of myself sitting on the floor by the gate at the airport, having to keep one side of my headphones off one ear to make sure I don’t miss any flight announcements. It’s a first world problem, I hear you. I get it. I am pathetic. I deserve to be stranded on Saturday night at LaGuardia. Is that how The Secret works? 

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,