Hoda Kotb’s elder phase

Hoda Kotb’s 60th birthday celebrations have been in full swing these last few days, ranging from a special solo podcast episode, at home celebrations with her family, magazine spreads and interviews looking back on her career, and of course, a birthday bash live on the TODAY show where she was celebrated by her fans and colleagues.

For the special episode of her podcast, she chose to forego having a guest on and, instead, spoke directly to her listeners, sharing some positive and inspiring thoughts and lessons about growing older. She spoke about the excitement she feels entering into a new decade, one she says she is approaching the same way someone approaching their 30s, 40s or 50s would. She cited the likes of Brooke Shields, Mariska Hargitay and Sandra Bullock as women she feels “honoured” to be in the company of when it comes to sharing age. 

“...I realize that every decade, no matter what you are, is a chance for repotting, rebirth, resurgence. Like all these things can happen. You get to choose,” she said about how she looks at other women her age and the different phases of life.

But it was when she reflected on when her blessings, as she calls them, really started coming into her life, that she shared some much-needed inspiration that really resonated with so many women, even me, almost 30 years her junior.

“Some people, when they turn 30, are like, ‘Oh my God, I’m 30. It’s over. All my friends are married.’  It’s like, be real, man. [...] You’re on your own train, and your blessings are coming when they come. [...] Mine started in my 50s. That’s when the best ones came.”

Despite not explicitly saying it, she’s likely talking about the fact that she became a mother to her two daughters in her 50s, something she’s been very open and candid about, and something she’s come to believe was “right on time”.

Then, in her exclusive interview with Page Six, Hoda shared more insight about getting older, this time reflecting on her approach to romance after her 2022 split from financier Joel Schiffman, saying that she was ready for love again. 

“I was talking about romance and life recently and a friend asked me, ‘What do you have room for?’” she recalled. “And that’s a really important question, because my life is really crowded. [...] As life goes on and the kids get settled, there will be room for more.”

Looking at the revelations she shared in her podcast as well as in her conversation with Page Six, there is something so powerful and simultaneously vulnerable about admitting that yes, you do want love and romance. And there is something especially powerful and vulnerable about admitting that when you’re not a 30-something woman, but a 60-year-old woman who is two years out of an eight-year relationship that for some time, was an engagement, it was thought to be in the path to marriage. 

Watching and listening to Hoda is best described as a “breath of fresh air”. That’s the way so many fans describe watching her on the TODAY show, and it’s also how podcast fans describe how they feel listening to her. And after giving a few episodes of her podcast a try, I have to agree – and not just because she’s not talking about cults, true crime and all of the other sinister things I listen to.

It's because Hoda allows us to reimagine what life can look like. It doesn’t have to be that you marry early on. It doesn’t have to be that you get all your career highs in the first few quarters of the game. It doesn’t look like you have to become a parent or even find love early on. Hoda reminds us that at any age, you are still worthy of living an enjoyable life, even if that life doesn’t look the way society tells you it should. 

There’s a trend right now on social media that asks people what kind of “elder” they want to be. I realized that, despite the question initially being posed by a man, almost every single response I saw was from women. They shared their answers in the form of photos, most of which contained the likes of Lynn Whitfield, Grece Ghanem and, despite not being an “elder” at all, Tracee Ellis Ross. 

As I sat and looked through the way people were responding to the question, I came to love this trend for a few reasons. The first is that it encourages women to actively seek out other women who embody what they want to later on in life – is it luxury? Prestige? Selfishness? Accomplishments and accolades? A carefree air about them? All of the above?

The second reason I love this trend so much is that it pushes women to look not only at ourselves, but the women we aspire to be like as more than mothers, more than wives, and more than corporate hustlers. I noticed that the photos women were using to respond to the question weren’t family photos. They weren’t photos of these women celebrating a new promotion. There weren’t any men in most of the photos, either. There were just so many shots of these women relaxing on beaches, being silly with their friends, some just walking through the streets of New York.

But the third reason I love this trend so much is because I cannot tell you the last time someone asked me what I want to be when I grow up. And that’s essentially what this question is asking. It reminded me that at the tender age of 32, I am not done growing up yet. I still have so much time left. And for that to also be the sentiment that Hoda herself is echoing on this milestone birthday really helps me understand that I am, we are all, whether we’re on the edge of seventeen or staring 60 in the face, just getting started.