How Leo got my quiver back

All it took was a tan, a tux, a serious de-bloat...

Leonardo DiCaprio was his very, very best in a long, long time last night at Critics’ Choice. Most of you probably didn’t watch (in Canada the show was only available on Superchannel), so you’re looking at these photos like what the f-ck are you saying, Lainey, he’s orange? I’m telling you, on TV, when he was moving, and under the lights on stage, which is why they have to wear makeup, there was no orange problem. There was only Leonardo DiCaprio, freshly colonic-ed perhaps, looking decidedly lean, really, really hot. And, well, super important. You know. Important enough to present to Scorsese. Important enough to be Scorsese’s go-to boy. To be a major player in Hollywood even after getting played by Blake Lively.

Here’s how I like my Leo best - not gorged on too much beer and fried food, among the elite in the business, not in sweats or shorts with white socks that stop midway up his calf underneath a baseball cap. And not leering at 20 year old models who look good and don’t speak. It’s so hard to forget that about him.