I knew on the weekend that I would need to stress-bake last night so I was prepared when I made my grocery order – and I decided I wasn’t using on-sale apples for my apple galette. This level of stress required the Honeycrisp, so I splurged on three of them. And when I shared this on The Social yesterday during a discussion on-air about how we were all coping with election anxiety, our control room producer was like, Lainey, do you know the Honeycrisp backstory?
Honeycrisp has a backstory? If you already know the backstory, congratulations, I’m happy for you, but I’m five years (or more) late on this realisation and now I’ve just spent part of my morning learning about the cinematic past of the Honeycrisp, the Chosen One of apples. I also now know that there’s an unofficial Red Delicious Apples Are Trash membership club and I have signed up.
Given its popularity – price! – the people at the University of Minnesota obviously created the perfect apple, like on the science front. But you know what else they did? They did a great job naming it. Honeycrisp is a great name. Some of the other designer apples they’ve been making have ridiculous names. Like the SweeTango, wtf. The capital “T” in the middle of the word is so aggressive and I don’t think of apples when I hear or read it, I think of one of those travel websites that run ads on CNN. “SweeTango has the best deals and the lowest rates on hotels!” Nobody is travelling anyway, f-ck off.
There’s also an apple called the Rave. Why do I need my apple to sound like it’s a nightclub?!
This is currently my mental escape. Temporary, of course. But for now, I’m allowing apples to take up space in my mind. What’s your Honeycrisp?
Yours in gossip,