Intro for September 19, 2025

Dear Gossips,  

It has been a bleak week, which is either a description of current events or a 20-year-old cozy mystery on BritBox. Either way, I just can’t do heavy news right now. So I want to return to the Emmys, which were simultaneously five days and a hundred years ago.

It was a rough telecast, I think we all agree on that. Nate Bargatze didn’t do a great job as host, and the show just wasn’t very well produced overall. This week, in between catastrophizing, I was thinking about how to fix the Emmys. In the spirit of Friday funday and also to just give me a f-cking break, please, let one goddamn thing be fun this week, here are some ways I believe the television academy can improve the Emmys for 2026. I promise no “The Bear is not a comedy” jokes.

1) Wolf Host Is Nigh

I have long suggested the Oscars have a pack of ravening wolves host their show, have we considered Wolf Host for the Emmys? TV people are scrappy, they’re used to hustling, they’re tougher than their film star counterparts. TV people might be worthy opponents for a pack of ravening wolves. Here’s how I imagine it working:

Line the Emmy trophies up on the stage. Announce the category and nominees. The nominees must then complete a 100-yard dash to the stage, the winner is whoever grabs the trophy first without being mauled by wolves. TV is so good, the nominees are usually so competitive and deserving, this is about as fair a process as any blind voting could ever be. Let the wolves decide! 

2) Introduce Fake Nominees

There is so much TV, no one would even know. Is Belinda Belisle a made-up person, or is she the septuagenarian star of a British serial about a retired librarian solving crimes in the Welsh countryside? Nobody knows! Is Doctor Wanger’s Auto Zoo an Australian comedy-drama, or is it a lark? How would you tell! Is Bee Bee Bee imaginary, or the BBC’s kid-friendly streaming platform? Impossible to decide! Sprinkle some fake nominees throughout the telecast and see how long it takes the famous people to admit they don’t know what anyone is talking about, it can be a little game for the viewers at home.

3) Give Every Award Regardless of Category to Colin from Accounts

Which is either a real Australian comedy-drama or the show that airs right before Doctor Wanger’s Auto Zoo. Who can never be sure.

4) Make Paddington a Seat Filler

Create a Paddington hologram—or track down the real Paddington in Peru??—and use him to fill seats, particularly next to network/streaming executives, to whom he can deliver a Hard Stare.

 

5) Experiment With Bees

Not really sure how this would work, but the possibilities are endless.

6) Bring Back Pushing Daisies

Not really a way to fix the Emmys except that it was a brilliant show starring Lee Pace that was gone far too soon. Bring back Pushing Daisies, maybe win some Emmys? 

We have a whole year to brainstorm for the 2026 Emmys, let’s make it fun! 

Live long and gossip,

Sarah