John Wick: Chapter 4 opens next weekend, so we are in the thick of the press tour, which means Keanu Reeves is out and about, making the rounds. He was in New York yesterday, in his typical press tour wardrobe of dark suit/dark tie, doing talk show appearances. My review of John Wick: Chapter 4 will run closer to opening day, but suffice it to say, this is my favorite one since John Wick, and despite the nearly three hour runtime, I did not feel the length of this movie. Roger Ebert was right, no good movie is too long, and no bad movie is short enough.


Earlier this week, Chapter 4 premiered at SXSW and in the post-screening Q&A, when Keanu said he kept John’s wedding ring as a memento, a fan announced she would marry him (naturally, post-screening Q&As are where fontrum is manufactured), and then in New York, he was asked about being the internet’s boyfriend. Fourth wall, people! Fourth wall! You can’t tell the internet’s boyfriend he’s the internet’s boyfriend, that defeats the purpose of the internet’s boyfriend. The internet’s boyfriend is a collective crush, an agreed upon representation of the romantical mood of the nation at a given moment. It’s not real, it’s a fata morgana we all accept as a form of escapism. Stop making celebrities read thirst tweets while we’re at it, the horniness is for US, not them. And please stop announcing you would marry a celebrity at a Q&A, nobody asked you Susan*.

*Literally, her name was SUSAN.

Here is Keanu on The Tonight Show, lending some of his ineffable charm to Jimmy Fallon.