When Jack Antonoff and Lena Dunham broke up, I casually mentioned that my friend predicted that Jack would date Lorde next. At the time, it was just a Hail Mary for the Gossip Genie. Since then, every time Lorde and Jack are in the same frame or headline, someone emails or tweets me like it’s a smoking gun. I’ve seen all your circumstantial evidence and while I do love it when I’m right, I’m still not buying it. 

Last week, Maria sent me and Lainey this US article outright denying that Lorde and Jack are a thing. She sent it with the subject line “THIS DENIAL MEANS IT’S GOING DOWN.” Jack denied the Lorde rumours on social media too but the wording of this US denial is important. It makes sure to note that Jack is “off the market” but that he’s not dating Lorde. I thought that Maria might be on to something because they really wanted everyone to stop thinking Lorde and Jack were f-cking, wouldn’t they just release who Jack Antonoff is actually dating? 

Enter Carlotta Kohl. On Saturday, the day before the Grammys, US Weekly had new photos of Jack seemingly on a date with this model. Jack Antonoff’s team knew that on Sunday night, he’d be seated right next to Lorde and the rumours would have even more fuel so they decided to preemptively put out the fire by leaking who Jack’s real post-Lena hookup is. If Carlotta Kohl didn’t exist, I might have thought that Lorde and Jack were actually a thing. For now, I’m pretty sure they’re just work besties. OR Carlotta is just an elaborate misdirect and they really are together. I HAVEN’T SLEPT AND NOW I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE. For the record, Jack’s sister Rachel was seated right next to Lorde and Jack all night so it’s not really a sexy date night if your sibling is the third wheel, is it? (Also, Jack co-executive produced Melodrama so he was also there, sitting beside Lorde, as a co-nominee.) 

One thing I do know is that Lorde was a casualty of the Grammys f-ckery last night. I don’t like that I started this piece talking about her love life but we didn’t have much else to go on. Lorde didn’t perform. She didn’t present. Lorde was the only woman nominated for Album of the Year and we barely saw her. Turns out, she was the only AOTY nominee to not be asked to perform solo. Aside from Jay-Z, the rest of the nominees had their own performances. Apparently, Lorde was only asked to be a small part of the Tom Petty tribute and she declined

Here’s what the president and CEO of the Recording Academy had to say about the omission of Lorde:
“We have a wealth of riches every year, and it’s hard to have a balanced show and have everybody involved… Every year is different. We can't have a performance from every nominee -- we have over 80 categories -- and so we have to realize that we have to create something that has balance. What you saw was our best judgment on how to do that."

Hard to have a balanced show? HOW did you have time for three separate U2 appearances, like 45 Sting moments, and so much other boring sh-t but not have time for one of your Album of the Year nominees? And the one you didn’t have time for was the only woman? F-ck that, Recording Academy. You were already on some bullsh-t and now you’re just being blatantly sexist. 

Time’s up, music industry. Time to admit, address, and repair your Woman Problem. 


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