Dear Gossips,

Through last year, whenever I wrote about Ben Affleck, I often assessed whatever gossip situation he was involved with at the time from the perspective of his Chinese zodiac sign. Ben Affleck is a Rat, the quintessential Rat. Go back and read last year’s Rat profile – it exactly foretold Ben Affleck’s 2017 and, remember, that was posted before he and Jennifer Garner formally filed for divorce, before Lindsay Shookus, and before he got embroiled in the Harvey Weinstein mess.

Consider this, then, as we look ahead to what a Rat might expect during the Year of the Dog. 

Just as it was last year, during the Year of the Rooster, Rats are among the four luckiest signs during the Year of the Dog. Two lucky stars are guiding the Rat and these are glory stars – Rats are in for some wins…if they can stay focused. That’s always been the Rat’s challenge: lapses in concentration can undermine even the luckiest streak. 

When a Rat is focused though, look out. The Rat can really, really get sh-t done. See Jennifer Garner and Dwayne the Rock Johnson, two Rats who know when to play and when to put in the discipline.

It is important for Rats to not get overconfident, especially this year. There are 3 shady stars that will cause problems if you’re too arrogant and these stars can come between your friends, create drama over money, and f-ck with your other relationships. Rats are advised to be gracious and to practise empathy and to minimise carelessness or risk injury. 
1948 Fire Rats with a weak chin are advised to celebrate a big birthday. This could help prevent you from getting hurt. 

1960 Earth Rat – no special notes for you, THIS IS NOT A BAD THING. 

1972 Wood Rat – this year could be better than last year but, again, even if there’s good luck coming to you, it means nothing if you don’t have the stability to receive it. Recklessness does not attract good luck. 

1984 Metal Rat – you might receive a boost from a benefactor this year and you could get lucky at the lottery or when you’re gambling. 

1996 Water Rat – the luckiest of all Rats during the Year of the Dog and, often, that means food. You could be eating well this year, invited to eat with others who want to share their food with you. Food is a big deal in Chinese culture. When it’s plentiful it means you’re running lucky. 


All Rats should be mindful to avoid confrontation during the Year of the Dog. Maintain peace in your relationships. Female Rats may want to pay close attention to their reproductive health. 

In February and March, check in with the doctor, get the full service update on your health, including bloodwork. If you have a pre-existing illness, water and metal are your most helpful elements. 

On March, April, and May, be diligent at work, this is not a time to f-ck around and take your eye off the ball. A small mistake could result in a major problem. Do not pick fights with people. And drive safe. 

In June and July, extra caution in the car is recommended. Try not to rush around. Rest more, work less, practise self-care and look after your mental health.  

In August, September, and October, there’s a cheating alert. Resist temptation. 

In December, manage your partying and maybe don’t stay out too late. Late night hookups could have health implications. Like STIs. (Sometimes ma’s zodiac readings get dramatically specific.)

We’re getting closer to Lunar New Year! You have two days to get organised, clean, clear out the old luck and make room for the new luck. Tomorrow: the Pig.

Yours in gossip,