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I don't care for Kevin Costner. If I wanted to worship an arrogant, massage perv, chronic philanderer - I"m more than happy to focus on Ryan Phillippe. But even though the Postman puts me into a disinterested coma on the best of days, I probably will see The Guardian only for Ashton Kutcher. Because if the trailer is any indication, Mr Moore delivers a loin quiveringly explosive performance that is easy on the eyes, hard on the thighs, and blessedly short on facial pubes - a look he's been inexplicably rocking for reasons unbeknownst to anyone but his preternaturally preserved wife. Trust me, gossips. Ashton in uniform is a sight to behold. Click here for the trailer and get ready for a panty ripping release on September 22nd.

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