Keke's birthday image

Keke Palmer and Darius Jackson celebrated her 30th birthday over the weekend, appearing on Instagram live together over a meal and drinks. It marked their first appearance together on social media since he criticized her on Twitter over an outfit she wore to Usher’s Las Vegas residency in early July, which I wrote about here.

Darius went live during their outing, sharing this video, where he referred to her as his “partner in crime”, and the two shared some cordial conversation. From the looks of it, they appear to be in a much better place than they were rumoured to have been since the incident in July.

Rumoured really is the operative word here because it was all speculation. Keke has remained tight-lipped about the exact details of how the incident unfolded, refusing to directly acknowledge or respond to his remarks. And she’s remained particularly silent about what took place in the aftermath. But despite remaining quiet about the specifics, based on the sexy photos Keke posted and the projects she was working on, its fair to say she’s remained unbothered, as usual.

In the wake of the controversy, Keke shared a series of sexy photos, including photos of her in the outfit Darius deemed inappropriate for her, based on the fact that she’s a mom. Her doubling down on her outfit choice was something widely celebrated by fans who slammed Darius for his public shaming of Keke.

For the last few weeks, it’s been anyone’s guess what the status of their relationship has been, especially with Keke removing almost all signs of Darius from her Instagram page, save for a few videos of him and their son, Leodis, here and there. But when she posted this collaboration with Usher, which Sarah wrote about here, and seems to make a very artful mockery of the entire situation, it fueled fans to believe that the pair were really over for good. And when headlines about Darius “moving on” surfaced, there was little left to the imagination about whether the pair had called it quits.

So seeing them together in whatever capacity they may be in at this point is refreshing and also an indication that they’ve put the drama aside and are working on being amicable for the sake of their baby boy. 

Keke’s handling of the situation has been impressive, to say the least. Having come out on a podcast just days before it all went down to affirm her desire for privacy, particularly as it pertained to issues in her close relationships, Darius publicly shaming her on the internet must have felt like a slap in the face. And despite being very active on social media and keeping her fans abreast of things she was experiencing in her personal life, which include everything from her polycystic ovarian syndrome diagnosis to her pregnancy and delivery journey, it shows that she doesn’t play around about the things she keeps private.

It would be easy to chalk up his very public and perhaps strategic mea culpa to the pressure he faced from fans to not be a douche. But you have to ask, how much of that pressure came from fans and how much of that pressure came from Keke? 

The backlash from fans was so swift that it forced Darius off social media within 24 hours of him sharing his initial tweet and the one that came after it in which he doubled down about his views and expectations of women, particularly the mother of his child. The public dragging, though well deserved, was harsh – and I think the fact that they appear amicable today means that Keke seems to have triumphed in getting him to see the issue from her perspective – or to at least disagree in a less public way.

Despite that success, though, there’s still much to be interpreted about the specific post he chose to acknowledge Keke on her birthday. Despite her opting for sexy photos like this one and this, he chose this video, where she appears makeup free and in a ripped up t-shirt affectionately playing with their son. It’s quite literally the physical representation of “You a mom.” 

It's tough to tell whether this was intentional. But it certainly raises some eyebrows considering the discrepancy between the nature of her posts and his. Despite being no stranger to showing up on social media bare-faced in the past, she’s been sharing a lot more professional photos of her in full glam and less clothes.

I, and many others, can relate to this. A lot of moms find themselves feeling so far gone from how they looked, dressed and felt before having kids. I remember saying goodbye to half my wardrobe after having my daughter, under the impression that the clothes would no longer fit my new life as a mom, but also being told that by her dad. But the more time that passed after having her, and the more I reverted to my pre-baby size (and self), the better it felt to feel my body in the clothes that I used to wear.

It's a bit of a homecoming to return not only to those pieces in your closet you loved and frequented, but also to return to the feeling of being in them. Whether they were a favourite pair of jeans or that little black dress, any signs of your old identity can help provide the smallest feeling of familiarity in what is a very new world and a very new body.

I don’t want to overanalyze his choice but at the same time, I can’t help it, because at its core, this issue was primarily about image. And I think it says a lot about his preference for how he wants to see Keke show up as a mom, which doesn’t really align with the image she’s been putting out. I think in some way, he’s very intent on having her fit into a particular image in his head of what motherhood looks like, and with that in mind, it makes complete sense that he chose this video to post for Keke's birthday.

This should serve as a reminder that it’s important to let people define themselves. As a Black woman who grew up in Hollywood, Keke has faced pressure to fit into certain boxes throughout her entire life. But what makes her so real and so raw is how authentic she has been able to remain. She has an incredible ability to cut out a lot of the noise and instead focus on what feels right and what feels natural. 

I’ve written before about how much of a pivotal point turning 30 can be. And it’s not so much an overnight change as it is a gradual process of settling more firmly into the person you are and the person you want to become. I think that what we’re seeing is Keke settle into what she wants coparenting to look like, and what she wants motherhood to look like, as well. And so far, it looks damn good.