Ocean’s 11 is one of the movies that propelled Matt Damon into permanent A-list capital-letter Movie Star status. And now, when he can’t stop the diarrhea flowing from his mouth on a daily basis, comes the trailer for Ocean’s 8, the all-lady spin-off featuring a slew of fabulous women, looking fabulous and feeling themselves and reminding us that 1) heists are f*cking cool, and 2) men are not required for heists to be f*cking cool. Matt Damon is credited in Ocean’s 8, I hope it’s just a cameo in which Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett kick him down the stairs at the Met while “But think of the meeeennnnn…” drifts off in the distance.
The trailer is not long enough. I wish it was longer. I wish it was the whole movie, I want to watch this whole movie right now. The setup is like Ocean’s 11: An Ocean is getting out of jail and putting together a heist that may or may not have a secret revenge angle. This is not a ground-breaking formula. But people only complain about formula when the story isn’t good, and this is a good story. Did I mention? Heists are f*cking cool. And Sandra Bullock is cool. And Cate Blanchett is cool. And Rihanna is cool. And Helena Bonham Carter is cool. And Sarah Paulson is cool. And Mindy Kaling is cool. And Awkwafina is cool, and this will be a lot of people’s introduction to Awkwafina, which is also cool. Anne Hathaway is not cool, but that’s okay because every group needs a nerd.
It looks like there’s a theme in Ocean’s 8 of women doing unappreciated work. I imagine Duana and Lainey are spinning out, with lots to say about this. As Sandra Bullock approaches her would-be team, they are shown Doing Their Work. Helena Bonham Carter is a seamstress at an atelier—seamstresses are the unsung heroes of fashion. Mindy Kaling is the jewelry designer whose work is recognized, but she is not. Sarah Paulson is a housewife, an unappreciated job most people assume is a kind of permanent vacation. Awkwafina is a street hustler, Rihanna is a hacker, Cate Blanchett is a professional gambler(???). These are not jobs dominated by women. Anne Hathaway is some kind of celebrity, and I can’t tell if she’s the subject of the heist or the inside con, but either way, she’s the only one getting any kind of recognition. And we can all imagine numerous reasons a female celebrity might be open to a revenge heist, can’t we?
So, I love this. Ocean’s 8 looks cool and fun and sexy, and it’s about boss women Doing Their Work—which involves a heist and heists are f*cking cool—and I really love Sandra Bullock’s No One Has Time For Your Sh*t Face. She has the best NOHTFYS Face. I hope she makes that face at Matt Damon no less than three times throughout the movie. If you want to have a good day today, watch this trailer every hour, on the hour. Just, for the love of everything holy, DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS. Do not let a bunch of diaper babies who can’t handle women being totally f*cking boss ruin the moment. No one has time for their sh*t.