Can we call this the equivalent of a carbon offset? Any “scandal” involving Prince Harry and/or Meghan Markle is never going to be dirtier or more disturbing and worth as many headlines as Prince Andrew’s association with registered sex offender, pedophile rapist Jeffrey Epstein and why he still can’t explain why he was photographed with one of Epstein’s victims, the then 17 year old Virginia Roberts Giuffre, as Epstein’s alleged madam hovered nearby, despite his fat fingered efforts otherwise. 

So now that we’ve talked about Prince Harry’s unfortunately timed eco-friendly tourism initiative today, let’s shift focus over to Prince Andrew who is back on official duty, seen here at the Dartmouth Royal Regatta on Friday. Andrew’s supporters are all like, he did nothing wrong, he should be able to carry on with his life and work, helping people. And since he hasn’t done anything wrong, he shouldn’t have to hide!

Sure, sure. He’s a man of responsibility. He’s not shirking from his responsibility just because there’s a “witch-hunt”. Don’t you love it when powerful men co-opt and pervert a thing that historically happened to women that was often perpetrated by men? This is not a f-cking witch-hunt, but maybe there can be a takeaway from it. 

Today, in many parts, is the first day of school. Another whole ass year of school drama. Another year where you may find yourself consoling a teenager after something embarrassing happened to her in the hall or the cafeteria or gym class. Like getting your period and staining your clothes – which shouldn’t actually be embarrassing and if we could please normalise it and take away the shame from it, girls could take one thing off the long list of traumas they experience during this time. But back to the feeling of humiliation and not wanting to show up at school the next day. Pretty sure we’ve all been there. 

But look. Look at Prince Andrew of England, this senior member of the British royal family, beloved second son of Queen Elizabeth II who has reigned longer than anyone else before her. He was friends with a pedophile rapist accused of sex trafficking minors and supplying his rich, influential acquaintances with girls and he even stepped in the role of butler at the rapist’s home, answering the door as girls came and went, sometime before or after receiving foot massages by young Russian girls. And definitely two years after his friend was convicted of taking advantage of girls. Look at him, sauntering about, no f-cks to give, still expecting people to bend over backwards just because he’s arrived, as the whole world points and wonders...

What were your “chubby fingers” doing wrapped around the waist of a 17 year old girl who says she was FORCED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU?

If he can go back to work, why can’t they go back to school? It’s not a crime to bleed through your pants. As if a perfectly natural red stain could ever be more embarrassing than this royal doofus.