Did you know it was Prince Andrew’s birthday yesterday? The palace social media accounts posted birthday messages to celebrate the occasion, with a caption reminding people that he’s “the first child born to a reigning monarch for 103 years”. Like somehow that’s supposed to replace the thing you know him for these days. Which is “friend of dead rapist pedophile, Jeffrey Epstein”. Did you read the Vanity Fair piece that came out last week about the Epstein investigation with details about how Prince Andrew would allegedly be “groping girls right out in the open” when he and Epstein were hanging out? 

Is that why we’re focusing on Sussexit this week and whether or not Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are “banned” from calling themselves “Sussex Royal”? As I noted yesterday, the viper courtiers at Buckingham Palace, for some reason, keep leaking sh-t to the Daily Mail. If you’re a conspiracy theorist, you might be linking that to the Andrew situation. 

As for Sussexit – we now have a firm date. March 31, 2020 will be the last day that Harry and Meghan are considered senior royals. More details about what this will look like and their upcoming list of engagements, see the following thread: 

To be clear, they will still be referred to as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex while retaining those other titles. Which is a relief because “Dumbarton” just doesn’t have the same flair, you know? 

So it’s all eyes on London starting March 5, when the Sussexes step out for the Endeavor Fund Awards, and through the weekend for International Women’s Day and then Commonwealth Day on March 9, when Harry and Meghan join other members of the British royal family at Westminster Abbey. Who will they arrive with? Will they arrive with the Cambridges? Will they show up on their own? There will be all kinds of forensics performed on the body language, the glances, the interactions…and knowing this, how will everyone behave? 

I’m curious about Harry’s demeanor in particular. It’s been noted that he’s often scowling and sullen, that he’s had a face on all the time, the implication of course being that Meghan’s turned the sunny prince into a melancholy suck. What will happen when he shows up, having spent three months away from the toxicity of royal central, with the clearest skin and the biggest smile? Hot Harry’s Canadian Glow-up! Write the headlines now.