Reality Recap: Brynn’s double standards

This week, something big happened on Real Housewives of New York. And for a franchise that has been so plagued by allegations of racism that an internal investigation was launched, which I touched on here, and an entire OG cast was dismissed, the last two episodes have brought a certain sense of déjà vu to the audience.

This season, things have been pretty heated between Ubah, a Somali model, and Brynn, a very white-passing biracial marketing consultant. This is a result of the fallout over something that happened last season, when Brynn broke the ‘vault’ code and spoke about a guy Ubah had started dating on camera, which was supposed to be kept secret. In the last two episodes, the pair’s spat came to a head…and then they made up…and then things kind of exploded again.

The initial argument – after the vault thing - is tough to summarize because it’s a bit convoluted. But essentially, Brynn is pissed that Ubah called her out on how poorly she handled her reconciliation with Sai, another castmate, who, after an explosive argument, Brynn apologized to without really letting Sai speak her piece. Ubah pointed out that Brynn has a habit of sweeping things under the rug and only dealing with things at her convenience, in her way, without caring about what the other party needs to arrive at a full resolution. And as an outsider looking in, Ubah told no lies.

“If you’re mad at Brynn, if you say mean things to Brynn, she puts it under the rug and then she’ll find another conflict with you that relates to someone else. She has to be a victim, she has to make it a big deal, because she never wants to be the front line of what the problem is because then you’re really gonna see who she is,” Ubah said in a confessional last week.

So in this week’s episode, when Ubah arrives to the brunch table and greets Brynn with a hug, the group is pleasantly surprised to learn that Erin helped facilitate a reconciliation the night before. But just seconds into the pleasant exchange, Brynn, yet again, put her foot in it as Ubah was explaining how they came to be on good terms again. 

“I’m not gonna cut you off,” Brynn says, as she’s cutting off Ubah, who quickly regains control of the conversation and explains to the group that each time she’s found herself ‘out of alignment’, it’s been due to Brynn.

In separate confessionals, Brynn, Ubah and Erin all describe the conversation that had taken place the night before, and Brynn explains that her priority was not wanting Ubah to come off as ‘angry’. 

“I don’t want you coming off as an angry Black woman,” Brynn recalled saying to Ubah, later on adding in her confessional, “I’m looking out for you, dumbass…she’s playing into the stereotype.”

In anticipation of the second season, I rewatched the entire first season and I really took a liking to Brynn. She was excellent new housewife material–youthful, single, flirty as f-ck, sassy and rich off God knows what. Her storyline was intriguing, having been engaged a few times, coming from a weird family dynamic and she, like so many women, was facing the age-old issue of having a ticking biological clock. 

It took me a few episodes to realize she, like me, is biracial. Much of that had to do with the fact that she looks white, which, to be clear, some biracial people do. But the other reason I wasn’t able to identify it sooner was because of how non-Black she is from a cultural standpoint. While I don’t believe that Blackness is a monolith, I do believe that in most cases, identity is twofold, it is physical and it is cultural. 

As we learned more about Brynn’s family background in the first season, things made more sense. She simply didn’t grow up around her Black family members, which isn’t entirely uncommon. She described getting her only dose of Blackness when she went to the hair salon, a tradition she maintains to this day – to have her ginger hair blown out.

But the other thing we come to learn about her is that she really leverages the privilege that comes with being white-passing. And that, precisely, is what makes her a very dangerous woman when someone like Ubah is up against her. Because in a setting like the Real Housewives, we’re seeing how Brynn is weaponizing Ubah’s Blackness against her, putting her at an advantage because she can act the way she does and be protected by her whiteness.

Does Brynn have a point about wanting to protect Ubah from the wrath of viewers who very well may perceive her as an angry Black woman? Absolutely. But is it coming from a place of genuine care and concern? Absolutely not. 

Out of all the housewives on this show, Brynn has had the most issues with the other castmates. It doesn’t take much to see that she is the problem. She is everything she is warning Ubah she could come across as, but her skin tone protects her from ever facing the same repercussions. She’s the one that’s been aggressive, condescending, hypocritical and threatening. We literally saw her declare on national television during the season one reunion that she puts people ‘in the funeral home’ during a fiery exchange with Ubah. This is in direct contradiction to her preference for ‘smart arguments’. We also saw a screenshot of a very disturbing text she sent the group that read:

“I don’t scream or yell; I won’t bash you in the press. No, no, not my style. I’m far, far too elegant and smart for that…Someone who tried to f-ck with me once called me carbon monoxide. Invisible, odorless, and sucks the very life out of you before you even have the chance to realize it.”

This bitch is diabolical.

The other thing that is super concerning is how quickly she goes into victim mode, even when she’s not under attack. After Ubah left the breakfast table, the women, for some reason, rallied around Brynn – who began crying and insisting the women sat their with their thumbs ‘up their asses’ when all they did was let Brynn’s opponent speak. Meanwhile, no one went to comfort Ubah, who also became very emotional at the table while pleading with Brynn to be more respectful toward her. 

The high horse that Brynn prides herself on riding reeks of a self-perceived superiority and quite frankly, anti-Blackness. Assuming that Ubah is unintelligent, that there is ‘nothing going on up there’ all because she refuses to follow Brynn’s advice on how she should be acting on the show is disgusting, and so, so telling. 

But interestingly, it’s not only Ubah being bossed around by Queen Brynn. She did the same thing to Rebecca Minkoff. Thee Rebecca Minkoff. Just before Ubah arrived at the table for brunch, Brynn told Rebecca ways that she could ‘give it back’ to her when Brynn teased her about her outfits. Is this a play? Are you a stage manager? A talent agent? Are we on set? Who asked you? 

But the producers making sure that particular exchange with Rebecca made it into the episode – and adding subtitles - was very pointed and very intentional. They’re letting us all know that they are onto her. They know she’s problematic, and they are presenting her bullsh-t for all to see, to weigh in on. Because not only was this a huge conversation on social media, but here she is taking up this week’s entire Reality Recap.  

But none of this is for Brynn. It’s for Somali housewives like Ubah and Ayan (who, admittedly, I’m not even a fan of), who do not speak English as their first language, and are rarely given grace or empathy when dealing with heated confrontations with their castmates and colleagues. But all Brynn has to do is manufacture a tear and she gets support that would be much more deserved elsewhere. 

It's also to articulate the very odd sensation of watching white or fair-skinned privilege in action from someone you know to be Black, which we’ve also seen with Gizelle and Robyn over on Real Housewives of Potomac. Brynn is showing us that it can absolutely happen, and what it looks like when it does – tone policing, tears, victimhood, diabolical text messages and endless double standards.