Jessica Simpson Porny on the runway! Jessica Simpson was the special guest model at the Ozlem Suer fashion show in Paris today. Yes, I hate the dress too. And the shoes stink of hooker-wear. Having said that, big ups to the designer for putting a body on the catwalk that isn’t allergic to food. Because By Lainey • Sep 04, 2009 04:22 am
Dumbass Proud Tears Look at our Porny… Yesterday at LAX with Ken Paves and her dad – her tits are under control, it’s a very flattering trench cinched at the right spot, hair is natural and unweaved, a very cute pair of shoes in a tasteful colour… There is no trace of porn. By Lainey • Sep 01, 2009 03:03 am
Parent Pimps Porny the judge Page Six is reporting that Jessica Simpson’s pimp father Joe has been campaigning on behalf of his daughter to replace Paula Abdul’s vacated seat at the judge’s table on American Idol. Paula set the bar so low. For singing and sanity, she set the bar low enough By Lainey • Aug 17, 2009 04:09 am
Jock Smut Manslinger succeeds where Porny failed Porny started dating Tony Romo and he started sucking. They blamed her rather unfairly, I think. After all, Romo was unproven at the time he was offered that huge contract, still unproven now, and widely regarded as totally overhyped. Porny became the scapegoat. Poor Porny. Before Kate Hudson Alex Rodriguez By Lainey • Aug 12, 2009 05:28 am
Break Ups Written for Jessica, meant for Lindsay Jessica Simpson continues to hook up and break up with men who humiliate her. As if it wasn’t enough that he dumped her the night before her birthday, Us Weekly reports that Tony Romo apparently also announced the break up to everyone living in his gated community, informing security By Lainey • Jul 27, 2009 09:22 am
Douchebags It’s helping... We are helping? As imaginary friends of Jessica Simpson, I think our work is working. No more articles on People.com from “friends” describing that she’s sad and mopey and a total loser sitting on her mom’s couch drunk texting Tony Romo. Instead, two sightings in a row By Lainey • Jul 24, 2009 08:23 am
Break Ups Enough wallowing Good. Porny is going back to the gym. She wallowed in her jammies for a couple of weeks after Tony Romo bailed on her and now, obviously, she called up Ken Paves, told him to do her hair, had a makeup artist come by and apply the “natural” look, and By Lainey • Jul 22, 2009 05:08 am
Douchebags Gift from a Douche How long before they get back together? John Mayer lives for attention. And he knows it would be a great story. Pisser is probably working it with Porny right now over text and Skype, perhaps he sent her a CD of tracks, new limp dick music to heal her broken By Lainey • Jul 20, 2009 02:55 am
Break Ups He peed on Porny’s love Why did Romo walk out on Porny? According to Radar John Mayer’s been f-cking around again. Word is everything between Jessica Simpson and QB1 was great…until last Thursday when he found out that Douchebag was still texting her. She was all cagey about the messages and when he By Lainey • Jul 14, 2009 12:22 pm
Break Ups Here come the pants Oh no. Oh girl, oh no. I am still not Jessica Simpson’s friend. Neither are you. So we can’t help her. And she will need help. A LOT of help. People.com is reporting that she’s been dumped by Tony Romo again. It happened last Thursday, the By Lainey • Jul 13, 2009 08:24 am
Amazingness Porny in the morning! She knew we needed her. And she delivered, just like Mimi. Tiger Woods held his pro am yesterday in DC and invited Tony Romo. With Romo came Porny. She tucked her bits into a tight striped dress and sang the national anthem. LOVE what was written on the Washington Post By Lainey • Jul 02, 2009 02:30 am
Dumbass Porny just in time Oh Porny! We need you! Especially since Mimi is hiding her cheese. It’s Jessica Simpson in New York last night looking surprisingly very well put together with Ken Paves and some other friends heading out for a boat cruise. We saw Ken Paves last week at the MMVAs to By Lainey • Jun 26, 2009 08:09 am
Assy Style I would get a reduction A major improvement on that tacky ass sh-t she was wearing during the day yesterday – click here if you missed it – this is Porny out for dinner last night in New York with her mother in a sleek black dress with a little leather jacket and a pair of undoubtedly By Lainey • Jun 09, 2009 02:51 am
Assy Style Who shops for her? I desperately need to know. Whoever it is, he/she needs to be terminated. That sh-t is horrendous. Sigh. Porny arrived in New York today. Was photographed heading to a meeting. From the waist down we’re good. She’s been working out, she’s showing off her lean legs. By Lainey • Jun 08, 2009 11:59 am
Jock Smut Porny’s skinny jeans It’s like that episode of Sex & the City – Miranda rediscovers her skinny jeans. Most women are familiar: we have fat jeans and we have skinny jeans. Fat jeans for when we suck. Skinny jeans for when we don’t suck as much. Jessica Simpson, since that amazing performance By Lainey • Jun 05, 2009 03:13 am
Parent Pimps Porny makes it pay It’s the Papa Joe way! Profit from EVERYTHING. And why not? Sounds like Porny Simpson is going back to reality where she saw the most success. On the heels of the amazing photos of her singing at the Chilli Country Cook Off wearing the best pants ever, Us Weekly By Lainey • May 27, 2009 08:25 am
