Assy Style Porny covered everywhere! When you go for groceries this weekend, you’ll be staring at Porny while you pay. THREE tabloid covers this week – all featuring Porny’s pants! Was she this famous at the height of newlyweds? Was she this famous when her divorce was announced? Debatable. Oh put your pity hearts By Lainey • Feb 04, 2009 07:14 am
Parent Pimps More famous than ever I stopped by the supermarket yesterday and while I was waiting in line to pay Porny’s Pants were everywhere. Almost every cover. There’s Porny in her high waisted atrocity, one breast fighting the other breast underneath that black tank, more famous than she’s been in years. Years. By Lainey • Feb 02, 2009 03:39 am
Assy Style Keep the shoes on Still tacky as sh-t but definitely an improvement on her diaper jeans from the chili fair – this is Porny performing in Charlottesville, Virginia yesterday in leather pants and a black blazer. But then she took her shoes off. And the sight of a woman, in leather pants and bare feet… By Lainey • Jan 30, 2009 01:38 am
Twats Size 2 is everywhere This Simpson business… As you know, these photos have made headlines everywhere. Like if the Brange hadn’t come along to show off the family in Tokyo, Jessica's pictures would have been the top story all week long. But no one beats the Brange. For the record, in By Lainey • Jan 28, 2009 08:15 am
Jock Smut The First Couple of Fail There is no hate-on for Porny. Quite the opposite actually. Over time, my black ass heart has opened for Jessica Simpson out of sheer pity. She doesn’t mean unwell. She’s not poorly intentioned. But she was raised, well, you know, by a dude who freely talks about her By Lainey • Jan 27, 2009 06:45 am
Assy Style Porny Happy New Year! You know the photo. The Classic Jessica Simpson High Waisted Photo. It made our lives. It continues to make our lives. On a rainy day. If work is the sh-ts. If your mother won’t get off your ass about sending her to Vegas for her birthday… There’s Porny By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 03:15 am
Jock Smut Common-law Cowboy Tony Romo is very, very serious about Jessica Simpson. Because he’s implying that she’s much more than just a girlfriend. The message is that she’s almost a wife. Like a common-law wife, wifely enough to be included in the 2008 Cowboys Family Cookbook presented by “the wives By Lainey • Jan 06, 2009 07:00 am
Jock Smut Porny consolation She’s actually not porny at all here. What she is is very, very pretty. Always pretty when she’s not tackied up. Jessica accompanied Tony Romo back to Dallas this weekend after celebrating new year’s in Miami, trying to help him forget about his embarrassing three turnovers that By Lainey • Jan 05, 2009 02:29 am
Gorgessity Sexier in sweats Not saying it to sound like a bra burner either. To me, this is Porny at her sexiest. Super casual, dressed down, no makeup to trannify her features – Jessica Simpson has a pretty face. A very pretty face. She doesn’t need to hitch her tits up to her eyeballs By Lainey • Dec 09, 2008 06:13 am
Jessica Simpson He got the trainer My husband and I joke about it all the time. But seriously. Who gets the dog if we divorce? I say me because Marcus was my 30th birthday present. He says him because I’m just Marcus’s food bitch. Needless to say, never mind anything else, over the dog… By Lainey • Nov 12, 2008 02:08 am
Assy Style Porny`s Pap Drama Jessica Simpson went out for dinner the other night with her main ‘mo Ken Paves and he ended up getting hit in the face by a pap camera, gushing blood from his head, requiring a trip to the hospital. He did however have the good sense to tuck Porny into By Lainey • Nov 03, 2008 02:20 am
Assy Style Porny at Macy’s She must be surrounded by backstabbers. Surrounded by them. How else can you explain? Why else would she walk out the door wearing this? The fur collar. And the wrap. And the silver. And the hair. Porny looks like a 50 year old divorcee, she looks like Ivanka Trump…WTF? By Lainey • Oct 29, 2008 03:12 am
Douchebags Desperate goes back for more Dear Jennifer Aniston: Are you Jessica Simpson??? I know the source is suspect but they claim to have eyewitnesses and were able to nail down the logistics pretty tight… so far, it seems legit. And considering we’re discussing Jennifer Aniston, something this desperate and pathetic is entirely possible. The By Lainey • Oct 14, 2008 03:08 am
Douchebags Compulsive Narcissist He can’t help himself, you know? He can’t help bringing things back to his favourite subject. John Mayer’s favourite subject is John Mayer. Thanks to M at Berklee College for sending this in: Hi Lainey!! I'm in my last year at Berklee College of Music By Lainey • Oct 10, 2008 06:42 am
BFFs Beyonce sings for Porny The first piece of advice on my new site BeJessicasFriend.com would be to hang out more with someone like B. Beyonce doesn’t get stepped on. And she had a daddy manager too. And even though B’s mom dresses her like sh*t, the smell of a blowjob By Lainey • Oct 08, 2008 04:53 am
Assy Style What can she do? Porny can’t act. Porny can’t dress. Porny can’t think. Porny can’t make good decisions. And now… Porny can’t sing. Call me Cruise but I always thought she could sing. At the very least, I thought she could do that. Her old songs may have sucked By Lainey • Oct 01, 2008 10:30 am
