Assy Style No, not like this Mixing patterns? All over it. But there’s an art to it. You can't just throw any sh-t together and expect to make it work. And there’s also a certain aesthetic. Like, generally, if your style is more like titty tops and tightness, the pattern mixing gets By Lainey • Sep 24, 2014 03:21 pm
Breasts Smell like tits Traci Melchor and I watched this commercial together just a few minutes ago. It’s a new ad for Porny’s fragrance. What does it smell like? Tits. That’s pretty much the message. Smell like tits. Traci is a Jessica Simpson defender to the death. She loves her. So By Lainey • Aug 18, 2014 03:43 pm
Jessica Simpson Porny’s weekend wedding Jessica Simpson married Eric Johnson on Saturday. PEOPLE had the details first. And they’ve posted an exclusive sketch of her Carolina Herrera wedding dress with a tease to more wedding details in the next issue. Herrera even gave a statement to PEOPLE about the collaboration. In other words, PEOPLE By Lainey • Jul 07, 2014 09:28 am
Thinnification Porny in the backseat Oh now this is just too easy… Jessica Simpson posted this shot on Instagram the other day with the caption: Hiding from the paparazzi, so why not pose for Eric? As IF she hides from the paps. She wasn't hiding from them when she was leaving dinner the By Lainey • Jun 23, 2014 04:04 pm
Weddings Porny gets to keep the cheque Jessica Simpson’s deal with Weight Watchers is worth a reported $4 million. They paid her to lose her pregnancy weight. So she commodified her body. That’s why we talk about her body. She wants you to talk about her body. And she wants you to see that her By Lainey • Mar 24, 2014 09:02 am
Equality Issues Porny’s “jampacked” schedule It’s the holidays. So, time to eat, and time for the weight loss companies to exploit your eating guilt. And Porny’s the face of it. Every time you feel bad about all those scalloped potatoes, just think of Jessica Simpson – and if she can do it, you can By Lainey • Dec 16, 2013 11:37 am
Baby and Bump Obsession Porny could feed everyone This is Jessica Simpson out for dinner the other night with her freeloader. They were there with Ashlee Simpson, her boyfriend Evan Ross, and Cacee Cobb and Donald Faison. As you can see though, the main attraction was the Tit Shelf. It’s like she’s trying to breastfeed herself. By Lainey • Nov 04, 2013 09:24 am
Baby and Bump Obsession At Home with Porny Porny has been fairly quiet lately, posting a few photos of her kids on social media and reportedly scoping out spots in Italy for her upcoming wedding. I, like Lainey, will totally enjoy those photos. Speaking of photos, US Weekly just released some new photos inside baby Ace Knute’s By Maria • Oct 22, 2013 09:35 am
Weddings Porny’s Caprese wedding? Tomatoes and mozzarella, sprinkled with basil. I could do that for breakfast right now. Here are Jessica Simpson and her freeloading fiancé in Capri yesterday with family and friends, including her mother reportedly on a scouting mission for their upcoming wedding. They’re now speculating that it’ll happen next By Lainey • Oct 17, 2013 10:45 am
Baby and Bump Obsession Porny wants to sing again Jessica Simpson’s been pretty quiet lately. She had her son. She sold her son’s photos to US Weekly. She’s kept a low profile, perhaps getting Weight Watchers ready for her next “your self-worth is on your scale” campaign. Last night Porny went out for dinner with her By Lainey • Sep 25, 2013 11:22 am
Baby and Bump Obsession Porny’s cheap sell Jessica Simpson presented her newborn son Ace Knute on the cover of the new US Weekly yesterday. Now Page Six is reporting that she was only paid $100,000 for it. Look, $100,000 is a lot of money for us. It is not a lot of money for someone By Lainey • Aug 29, 2013 11:30 am
Famewhores Sold! Jessica’s baby boy Jessica Simpson covers the new issue of US Weekly with daughter Maxwell and newborn son Ace, born June 30. There had been reports that she wasn’t having an easy time getting a good rate on this exclusive. I wonder how much she eventually had to come down. Baby photos By Lainey • Aug 28, 2013 09:09 am
Baby and Bump Obsession Ace Knute Johnson I mean, are you really surprised? At this point, can any of us really claim ignorance? You didn’t actually think that Jessica Simpson could name her baby Nathaniel or Jacob, so this isn’t that much of a surprise, right? Ace Knute. And, in what’s arguably the worst By Duana • Jul 02, 2013 09:42 am
Parent Pimps Porny props up her baby Jessica and Ashlee Simpson were in North Carolina this weekend promoting Porny’s clothing line. Apparently some of that is maternity now? At some point during the event, Porny propped her kid up on the table for photographs. We can all agree this is a business engagement, right? So... I By Lainey • Mar 25, 2013 12:17 pm
Baby and Bump Obsession Porny: on cocks and babies Jessica Simpson inadvertently revealed on Jimmy Kimmel last night that she’s having a boy. Porny is currently promoting Fashion Star, although mostly she just talks about being pregnant which, I guess, isn’t entirely her fault because when you’re pregnant, that’s all anyone ever asks you about. By Lainey • Mar 07, 2013 11:29 am
Baby and Bump Obsession Porny’s Oscar weekend For all my sh-tting on Jessica Simpson, here’s something I can actually appreciate about her: unlike the Ashley Greenes, Kellan Lutzes, and Lindsay Lohans of the world, Porny has never said she wants to win an Oscar one day. She probably has a better chance -- which isn’t By Lainey • Feb 22, 2013 01:29 pm
