Amazingness Mimi didn’t want to get up You know if she could, Mimi would perform while reclined on a divan. You know if she could, she’d live her entire life reclined on a divan. She probably already eats like that, she’d f-ck like that, she’d sing like that, and she’d certainly try to By Lainey • Sep 27, 2010 03:22 am
Mariah Carey Shop Watch > BumpWatch As you know, I hate BumpWatch. BumpWatch + a loose dress = sh-tty gossip investigation. It’s highly, highly unreliable. Shop Watch on the other hand is a much better indication of pregnancy. And it’s Shop Watch that is making me come around to the idea that our Mimi might just By Lainey • Aug 26, 2010 08:01 am
Baby and Bump Obsession Mimi-less Summer The last time Mimi appeared on a carpet was April 15, 2010. Dude, that was four months ago. Has it been a dull ache? A lonely void? An emptiness you haven’t been able to identify, always lingering around the edges of your happiness, reminding you that no matter how By Lainey • Aug 20, 2010 05:38 am
Assy Style Maybe not in photos? I wonder if these pants look better in person than in photos. The camera widens. It’s horribly inhumane. And unforgiving. And our Porny, she has so little margin for error. I know because I am the same. I have short stubby legs and wide shoulders. So maybe these pants By Lainey • Jun 24, 2010 04:53 am
Amazingness Anna like Mimi? As you know, Mariah Carey is barely capable of walking and standing up by herself. If she could, she would go through life being carried everywhere. On several occasions she’s made this happen. One of my favourite stories of all time is when Mimi was attending some kind of By Lainey • Jun 21, 2010 04:59 am
Baby and Bump Obsession Cheese labour Motherhood, as you know, is my least favourite subject. I’d rather watch Valentine’s Day and Sex & the City 2 over and over again than be enlightened by a birthing video. Unless of course the star of that birthing video is my Mimi Mariah Carey. People.com is By Lainey • May 27, 2010 05:11 am
Cheese Cheese muffin pizzas and another wedding It’s me! Am just installed in Barbados, at my room at The Crane (more on this later) with a hardwire internet connection, and my Hate F-cks right now are athletes: Alex Rodriguez and Chris Pronger. HATE. So there’s hate f-cking and then there are butterflies, rainbows, and cheese. By Lainey • Apr 20, 2010 09:58 am
Amazingness The Keeper of Mimi’s Dream Mimi’s been undercover since the Oscars having squeezed every last drop of juice from Precious and no more reason to keep assaulting us with her cheese on the carpet. But I will never tire of it. I worry when I don’t see Mimi every day. I wonder who’ By Lainey • Apr 16, 2010 07:02 am
Amazingness Longest on the carpet: Mimi walks so slow Mimi’s tits weren’t pouring out of her dress. Like, Michelle actually described it as “demure”. Shocking development. Had to lie down for a while to process it. Because two nights before at the Spirit Awards, Mimi pretty much stuffed herself into a short black number and as a By Lainey • Mar 08, 2010 01:19 am
Oscars 2010 Mimi at the Oscars? I missed her at the Grammys, didn’t you? There was altogether too much accomplished walking. Just didn’t feel right. But Mimi had no “official” business at the Grammys. Mimi DOES however have official business at the Oscars. Precious has 5 nominations in the major categories including Lead and By Lainey • Feb 02, 2010 02:00 am
Breasts Best Globe Breasts: Christina & Mimi It was a motorboating extravaganza. Big ups to Christina Hendricks for refusing to conform, for refusing to downsize her curves. Much respect to Christina Hendricks for being able to carry those badboys around with toppling. And doing so without looking obscene. Some broads with their big tits, they cannot be By Lainey • Jan 18, 2010 02:30 am
Bitch please Cheese Champers! Remember when drunk ass Mimi sprinkled her amazingness all over the stage at the Palm Springs Film Festival last week? She explained afterwards that she kept enjoying “splashes” of champagne throughout the night. This kills me. The Splashes. Like she wasn’t full throttling that bottle with both hands. Or By Lainey • Jan 15, 2010 11:28 am
Cheese People’s Choice Award: Favourite Non-Walker Who else? What brings up more happiness than Mimi not walking? Or, rather, walking assisted by a bodyguard/husband/waiter? JOY. She is JOY. Mariah Carey was named Favourite R&B Artist last night at the PCAs over, um, Beyonce. Which should tell you how bullsh-t the People’s By Lainey • Jan 07, 2010 07:42 am
Amazingness It was her Oscar If this is the way she gives acceptance speeches for acting, maybe she should win one. Diablo Cody tweeted from the Palm Springs Film Festival Awards last night that: Mariah Carey just gave the most awesome acceptance speech of all time. Unfortunately, at press time, there’s only this short By Lainey • Jan 06, 2010 02:21 am
Amazingness How Mimi travels in Capri How could we close out the year without some Mimi amazingness? So the Capri Hollywood International Film Festival has decided to honour Mariah Carey for her work in Precious. What? Of course Mimi turned up to collect. And with her personal walker, Nick Cannon, alongside to celebrate. As you can By Lainey • Dec 29, 2009 03:08 am
Cheese Mimi Cheese Balls & A Tree Shiloh heard my prayer. My mother hopped on the Chinese Lady Express Bus for Casino Rama today. We won’t see her til dinner time. Unless of course she’s on a super hot streak in which case we may not see her for a week. Shiloh’s benevolence is By Lainey • Dec 22, 2009 07:13 am
