On the one hand, there’s Beyoncé who can take over the Louvre and manages to surprise the world. Not one leak. No one had any idea until Saturday afternoon what she was able to pull off. On the other hand… there’s Meghan Markle whose relatives will not let her live. I should specify – her MARKLE relatives will not let her live. Because, again, it’s not her mother’s side of the family that keeps humiliating her. 

It’s been a month since the Markle f-cksh-t almost ruined the wedding. The wedding, in the end, was a spectacular event. And Royal Meghan is coming off a wonderful day spent with the Queen last Thursday. This weekend she and Prince Harry attended the wedding of his cousin, Celia McCorquodale, who married George Woodhouse. We were supposed to be here talking about how they held hands, how happy they look, and how she wore an Oscar de la Renta dress and no hosiery. This is no longer the story though. The story is that the Markles decided to end Harry and Meghan’s honeymoon. 

Thomas Markle granted an extensive interview on Good Morning Britain today, the show hosted by Piers Morgan. You can watch it here. He tries to explain why he set up those paparazzi photos. He talks about how much he regretted it. He tells them that Harry and Meghan told him “don’t speak to the press” and there he is, via satellite…SPEAKING TO THE PRESS, giving GMB a brand new exclusive photo of Meghan from his collection and revealing that Harry is “open to the experiment” of Brexit and that Harry told him to “give Donald Trump a chance”. Royals, as we know, are not supposed to get political. So you can f-cking imagine how that’s going over at both Buckingham and Kensington Palaces today – if that’s even true. Because are we sure we want to believe that anything that comes out of TMZ, the Thomas Markle Zone, is true? 

What part of “don’t speak to the press” was unclear? 

Remember just days before the wedding when Harry and Royal Meghan found out that her dad would not be attending their wedding when the rest of us found out? Like at the exact same time? Via TMZ? That’s also how this all went down this morning. They were given a heads-up about the interview less than an hour before it happened. In other words, they were blindsided, again. 


Please. By now we should all know the answer to this. My sources tell me that it was Samantha Markle who set this up. Which means it wasn’t for free. According to Piers Morgan, Thomas was paid “a few thousand pounds” for the interview because “he wanted to set the record straight”. A few thousand pounds isn’t a lie. But ... it’s on the higher end of “a few thousand pounds”. I’m told that “a few thousand pounds” was between 30 and 40 thousand pounds. So, like, in the neighbourhood of US$50-60K and nearly CDN$80K. 

They can’t win though, you know? They’ve asked him not to put them on blast, and he won’t listen. If they give him money, he’ll still tell people that they gave him money and then people will spin it as “Meghan Markle money-muzzles her dad!” They can’t win. If you’re generous, you see this as a broken man who is easily manipulated by one daughter at the expense of another. If you’re not generous, you see how Samantha Markle became Samantha Markle and where that comes from. Whether you are generous or not, if it wasn’t already obvious, you understand why Royal Meghan is not close to that side of the family. Because that side of the family is a goddamn mess. Facts. Also? 

Is there some way Beyoncé can help? Nobody is better at locking sh-t down than Beyoncé. Royal Meghan could use some of that right now.