There are things that squick me about Tom Cruise, and most of them have to do with the Church of Scientology. That said, there are some things I do still enjoy about Tom Cruise. Like as entertainment. One of those things is how extra he is. Everything with Tom Cruise is cranked up to 100. You know when Matt Damon played Brett Kavanaugh on Saturday Night Live? When Matt Kavanaugh was asked if he was ready to begin, his response: 


“Oh hell yeah. I’m gonna start at an 11. IMA TAKE IT TO A 15 REAL QUICK!” 


That’s Tom Cruise! Matt Damon was good at Brett Cavanaugh, sure, but imagine Tom Cruise? A combination of his courtroom performance in A Few Good Men and Les Grossman? 

Anyway, the extra-ness of Tom Cruise has been well-documented and preserved in cinematic history. But what about… culinary history? 


Tom Cruise went out for dinner the other night. And when Tom Cruise goes to eat, he doesn’t just order one dinner, he orders TWO dinners, motherf-ckers, eat that! 

This might now be my favourite Tom Cruise anecdote – because I like a good eater. And I know you know what I mean by a good eater. I know we all know people who aren’t good eaters, and that’s fine, not everyone has to be a good eater. And those who aren’t good eaters are fun in so many other ways. Jason Bateman, for example, is not a good eater. If you listen to the Smartless podcast, you’re aware of this because his very boring relationship to food comes up a lot. Basically he eats the same thing every single day, which was a disappointment when José Andrés was on the show a while back talking ecstatically about flavour combinations and Jason sat there and was like, yeah, food is fuel, I only eat chopped chicken salad. 


Still, Jason Bateman is a fun guy…except when food is involved. Good eaters on the other hand are fun to eat with. Tom Cruise might actually be fun to eat with. Because he eats like he is in any other area of his life – EXTRA!

Here are Tom and Hayley Atwell in Birmingham, still shooting Mission: Impossible 7. Which they have been shooting for an eternity. The movie was originally supposed to come out… last month! The release date is now next May.