We are making progress, that's why they're scared

The internet is still reacting to an empowering message delivered by the legendary Tracee Ellis Ross last week. During U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris’ Unite for America rally, Tracee joined a conversation between the VP and Oprah and reflected on all of their shared experience of foregoing motherhood in a clip that has gone viral on social media.

https://x.com/votekamala/status/1836949468924547372?s=46&t=60CYarGoUrwBInQkN_I85A

 

Tracee received a thunderous round of applause from people in the audience. But also from social media users who echoed her sentiment, expressing their appreciation for her speaking out in defence of childless women who have become a target for the Republican party. 

Clips of a 2021 speech made by J.D. Vance criticizing what he called the “childless left” and blaming them for American issues have recently resurfaced. During his speech, he suggested that Americans without children should not wield the same voting power as Americans with kids. Then, he appeared on Tucker Carlson Tonight, saying that “childless cat ladies” and others like Kamala, AOC and even Pete Buttegieg (who, in August of 2021, actually announced that he and his partner Chasten had adopted two babies) didn’t “really have a direct stake in” the future of America. And more recently, Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders said that without kids, Kamala Harris “doesn’t have anything keeping her humble.”

Even as a mom, what Tracee said hit home for me. Some of the women who have had the largest hand in raising not only me, but my daughter as well, did not have kids of their own. So for someone like Tracee, who is very much the “Rich Aunty” so many of us aspire to be, in the company of the Oprah Winfrey and Kamala Harris? You have to appreciate the magnitude of the optics of this moment.

But the other reason her comments hit home for me was because of how timely they were. Just moments before watching this clip, I came across an article in Financial Times about the progress women are making in out-educating and outearning men, and as a result, how they’re leaving young men behind, refusing to date or procreate with them. 

Essentially, the crux of the article is that as men’s education deficit continues, it’s making “tectonic shifts”, particularly when it comes to earnings and outcomes. But as always, this conversation requires context, especially since so many people are trying to denounce the picture that both Tracee and the article are painting – which is that there is life beyond men and children. 

The article raises some valid points. The writer, John Burn-Murdoch, claims that in the last few years, the UK joined a group of other rich countries where young women are more likely to be employed than young men. But it’s his reframing of what this means that really makes a woman’s choice to forego marriage and motherhood that much easier to understand.

"The UK is part of a growing list of countries where the answers to “who is doing most of the legwork raising children?”, “who is focused on getting a good education?” and “OK, but who is out working to bring home a good income?” are all: “Women.”

Ouf. He goes on to say that a “substantial minority” of young men are “moving backwards” and showing signs of being disengaged from society, in other words, the “loneliness epidemic”, which is something I’ve talked about on the site before. And naturally, men, as hit dogs do, hollered, in response to an article that essentially read them for filth and backed up the read with data.

Some social media users suggested this is a targeted attack on depopulation. Others denounced the findings, questioning the discrepancy between men and women that “create successful companies”. And then there was my personal favourite - this person that said all of this was a result of living in a “feminist world” and that “they (women?) are trying to make ordinary man's life even worse”, whatever that means. 

It’s a bold claim, but I kind of understand why someone would think that, particularly in the face of all the evidence John provided. But how can we be living in a “feminist world” when there is still a wealth of data that proves otherwise? The strides John points to women making in his article are certainly cause for celebration. But to be clear – we still have a long way to go.

Studies show that women are overtaking men when it comes to the amount of college-educated people in the labour force. According to the Pew Research Center, women now account for more than half of the work force that hold a college degree. And this has been the case since late 2019. And women have gained ground in landing some of America’s highest-paying jobs, which include roles like physicians, lawyers and pharmacists. We now make up 35% of workers in roles like this. But there is evidence that we’re still lagging behind men. And even amid the progress being made in women under 30 outearning men under 30 in some places, a quick look at gender pay gap statistics will help illuminate the real story here. 

And what is the real story? There are a few components to it. First, women like Tracee, Kamala Harris and Oprah are just some of the people who have modelled the way for women who choose to forego motherhood – and in Tracee’s case, marriage, as well. They serve as real-life examples of what it looks like to create a meaningful life outside of the very limited socially prescribed ways of doing just that. This is something Tracee has remarked on many times before, but perhaps most notably on stage at a Glamour event in 2017, saying:

"I have built an incredible life. I have become a woman that I am proud to be. Then someone tells me about their friend who adopted a child at 52 and how 'it's never too late for your life to have meaning,' and my worth gets diminished as I am reminded that I have 'failed' on the marriage and carriage counts." 

The second part of the story, though, is that it doesn’t look like this for all women. For people who suffer from genuinely wanting a family and having a difficult time finding a partner - which correlates with the data that shows young men are becoming more disengaged from society - not having the life you imagine for yourself can take a toll on your mental health. And for women who, as a result of the legacy of the patriarchy and the wage gap, could really benefit from a second source of income and a set of hands around the house, life as a single, childless person is a lot less idyllic than it is for Rich Aunty Tracee.

And then there’s the third part of the story – which this X user described so well, pointing to the stigmatization of unmarried and childless women simply because happiness experts around the world have determined that cohort is the happiest. 

When you look at all of this together - studies that show that even despite the progress we still have to make as a society to level the playing field a bit, we are making progress, plus the powerful trifecta of three childless women of colour appearing on a national stage in one of the most significant elections there might ever be, which could see America have their very first female president, it makes sense that the right is becoming increasingly dependent on their attack against childless women, and their attempt to remove so much of their power. Because without being tethered to men and to children, and having the freedom and time to pursue higher education and increase their chances of outearning men, they actually hold a lot of it.