Today in Thanks, I Hate It news, the trailer for the remake of Road House starring Jake Gyllenhaal dropped and thanks, I hate it! It’s not for lack of talent, with Jake G taking over the role of bar bouncer extraordinaire Dalton, and directed by Doug Liman, who has directed films like Swingers, Go, The Bourne Identity, and Mr. & Mrs. Smith. This is a man who knows how to direct action and do it stylishly. And yet, Road House doesn’t look particularly stylish. The sunny setting of the Florida Keys is a good choice, but…
Road House exists in a very particular world. It’s a world where bar bouncers are famous, which is not the case in the remake. Jake G’s Dalton is a former UFC fighter, he’s only known for that. In fact, this trailer introduces Jessica Williams as the person who hires him to clean up her road house not because he’s the best bar bouncer, but because he’s down on his luck and has a reputation as a fighter. He’s a bargain bin bouncer. This is against the mythos of Dalton, who is essentially a modern-day gunslinger, a dangerous man who blows in and out of town to help the helpless. More, though, Dalton comes with the sense that he could be doing literally anything else. He’s smart, and he’s got money, those two facts are established right off the top of the film. He chooses bar bouncing, and that discrepancy is what makes Dalton an intriguing protagonist.
Also, making nu-Dalton a professional fighter is a fundamental misunderstanding of who Dalton is. Dalton isn’t a fighter. He’s a philosophy grad who’s afraid of his own temper; he’s the toughest guy in town but you thought he’d be bigger. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s walking around wearing a karate gi like a regular shirt, he’d be unassuming. Dalton exists at the crossroads of hypermasculinity and a softer, more open feminine expression of thought and emotion, which is where Patrick Swayze excelled as an actor. Turning Dalton into a professional fighter, even a retired one, making him the guy who instructs others on how to throw a punch, and worse, spit quips mid-fight, is just…
Well, it’s not my Road House. Maybe it’s for someone, but it’s not for me. And not everything has to be for me; I, after all, have the actual Road House, which remains one of the oddest mainstream American action movies ever made. This new film, at least by its trailer, gives me no sense of similar oddity or interest. And the fact that, even amidst a brewing box office drought thanks to all the strike delayed productions, Prime is electing to make nu-Road House a streaming exclusive doesn’t build confidence, either. There are holes all over the release calendar this year, they could pick their spot and swoop into theaters with minimal competition and a movie star to bank on and count their money. Instead, they’re going straight to streaming, not even willing to roll the dice on a punchy action movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal.
I will now say one nice thing: I want the “Be Nice” neon sign in the poster. So far, that’s the best thing to come out of nu-Road House.
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