Billie on her own

Billie Eilish covers the November issue of Vogue, not a surprising choice. “Birds of a Feather” has been a huge hit this year; the album Hit Me Hard and Soft, her third studio album, is probably her strongest work to date, I love it; and even at my house, and in our car, that I share with a man who by his own admission is well behind on what people are listening to, it’s played all the time, especially the song “Chihiro”, his favourite track. And he hasn’t even seen Spirited Away. But the way it builds to near-abandon at the end before that abrupt stop is… well… it’s so f-cking good, it’s almost perfect. 

And now Billie is on tour, by herself. Finneas won’t be with her the whole time. As discussed in the Vogue interview, her mother also won’t be joining her. So it’s time, it’s time for Billie Eilish, at 22 years old, to experience true professional independence which, of course, at this point in her career and in her life, is necessary. She seems excited about it, to be on her own, without the people she trusts the most at her side, on stage, on the bus, on the plane. And having a good time. 

Because she’s been quite candid over the last few years, both in her music and in how she’s expressed herself outside of her music, that she was not having a good time – an experience that is not unique to her. When you become famous that young, when it happens so fast, when it happens on the internet, it not only alters your life, it also can alter your mind. One of the most jarring things in this Vogue piece, for me, is the bit about Tourette syndrome. 

“Eilish was diagnosed when she was 11 and went public at 16 after fans made compilation videos of her physical tics.”

I’m sure most of the fans didn’t have ill intentions. But imagine having to reveal something so personal because fans have been studying all your movements, so closely that they post videos about it on social media, to the point where it’s so widely shared that you feel like you have to confirm it?! 

But this is the nature of fame in these times. This is what happens when your appearances are so thoroughly documented and then widely disseminated for massive public dissection. How could it not be a struggle, especially in adolescence, such a formative period, and to have to figure out who you are while millions have already decided who you’ll be. 

So it’s understandable what Billie tells Vogue about how she regrets talking about her sexuality and vows to never again engage in that conversation. It’s not necessarily because she doesn’t want to represent, but it also must be such a mindf-ck to have gone through that moment of coming out, which is in itself a process of discovery, only to find out that the thing you’re discovering about yourself was “obvious” to other people. 

Through that lens, in all of that context, it feels like even more of a victory that Billie is OK. Maybe she’s not OK every day, but she says she’s OK more often than not. On the spectrum of comfort, which is perhaps the best we can hope for for ourselves, she’s settled into a groove. And part of that has to do with boundaries – boundaries with media and social media, with friendships, with how outside she chooses to be. She talks about surprising herself by how much she’s enjoyed the times when she’s actually partied, like other popstars, and she talks about continuing to stand up publicly for the values she wants to uphold. Billie and Finneas recently endorsed Kamala Harris for president, aware that her fans are growing up with her, and for many of them this will be their first opportunity to vote. 

Occasion by occasion, she’s learning how to dip in and out of the parasocial relationships that propelled her to where she is now. And, no doubt, there will be stumbles. There will be times when it’s too much or too little and recalibration will be required. But there is an overall sense of hopefulness to how she’s presenting herself right now. For now, it’s good enough. 

My favourite part of the piece? A casual mention of her period. I’ve been reading celebrity profiles for 35 years and I can tell you, it’s only just recently that details like this have been included – and with a shrug. Because it’s normal. SO normal. Whoever she may be, on a work a day, it’s totally normal for a woman to need to lie down underneath a heading pad because her cramps are too much. Dropping it into an article like this the way we used to mention how a celebrity’s hair was styled on the day of the interview would never have happened even ten years ago. It’s thrilling to me, but one day I hope it won’t be. 

Here's Billie wearing the sh-t out of these suits. 

 

Click here for Vogue's full piece on Billie Eilish.