Gisele and Tom: Four Years Later

Has it only been four years since Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady announced their divorce? It seems like a lifetime ago, definitely more than four years. Maybe because Gisele bounced from that relationship and doesn’t seem to have ever looked back – and, culturally, no one is missing it, since Tom Brady immediately became the poster model for Divorced Men, living up to every stereotype, to the point where it seems like “divorced” has always been his identity.

There’s a new book about Tom by Lars Anderson, Brady: An American Story and the Price of Greatness, coming out tomorrow, that revisits the days leading up to their final separation. I’m sure the book is about more than just the Gisele and Tom split but all the headlines and excerpts about it right now are related to that gossip. From what I’ve seen, there’s nothing new here in terms of the “why” of it – what is new, I suppose, is the “how”, the finer points behind the breakup, because there’s never been any doubt about the reason.

Gisele was hoping that Tom would retire… which he did, and then cancelled his own retirement, and that was the final insult, she was done waiting. And she had been waiting. Apparently in 2018 she wrote him a letter, asking him to consider spending more time with their family, to commit himself more to his kids, so that she didn’t have to assume all the responsibilities, and live life by his schedule, his desires, his obsession with football.

Even when Tom was at home he wasn’t really there. He was on his phone, messaging people about football. He was thinking about football all the time, and because of football they couldn’t even go out for dinner because of his strict football diet. That is not the life she wanted. According to the book, when she decided she was done, done, done, her words to him were, “We’re not compatible”. Simple enough, makes total sense.

The book is solidly sourced. Brady’s friends and teammates are quoted, some on the record, coaching and fitness staff too. So while he hasn’t given his formal endorsement, given the people who have agreed to talk, the presumption is that Tom would have known about it and, at the very least, didn’t oppose it. Including the part about how one of his Instagram posts was a middle finger directed at Gisele. Loser behaviour, no doubt, but I’m sure the manosphere is all about it – after all what kind of nagging bitch wife can’t just sit at home and be quiet and look after the kids while QB1 is out there chasing greatness.

That’s not how it’s going over on my side of the street though. After six championships, and into his 40s, when is enough enough? The title of book includes the phrase “the price of greatness” and one of the costs that Tom Brady paid was his marriage – which he tried to save, and the dissolution of it seemed to truly haunt him for a while. But I guess that’s my question where the “price of greatness” is concerned. Because the subtext for a lot of people, at least in terms of how greatness is defined in western culture, American culture, is that … well… maybe it’s worth it, to sacrifice the marriage. But, like, is it? I’m not saying that this is the author’s thesis, what I’m saying is that this is what it took to be Tom Brady, that his story is an “American story” about “greatness”. And it’s probably not unique to him where those who have achieved “greatness” are concerned. But it makes it that much more interesting that “family values” is also a thing that people love to throw around as the fabric of a society so obsessed with winning.

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What else happened today…

Here’s a book I’m much more interested in: Melissa King’s The Girl Who Became King. (Autostraddle)

The VMAs red carpet featured a lot of black looks. (Go Fug Yourself)

Ashley Padilla at one time was the personal assistant to a Hollywood legend, her “fairy godmother”. Ashley is not a nepo baby but she does have good connections, connections she made by working hard – which is how it should be. (Pajiba)

Anne Hathaway was advised against making what is now a required stop on a press tour. This only raises the anticipation. (The Cut)

People are auditioning to be Ben Affleck’s matchmaker(s). I’m not sure how I feel about this setup. Ben and Shakira? What are your thoughts? (Entertainment Weekly)