The ring is not the problem

Hailey Bieber stepped out a few times in New York last week and all the gossips were focused on her ring and the fact that she wasn’t wearing it. Speculation about Hailey’s marriage is relentless, to the point where it feels like people almost want Hailey and Justin to be over. 

Hailey is extremely online, not only because she’s of the generation but also because it’s a professional necessity, considering Rhode started as direct-to-consumer through online sales, and the impressive success of her business led to the recent blockbuster deal. Being a very online person though, of course she would have been aware of all the noise about her missing ring, so by this weekend it was back on and she even made a point of it on Instagram stories. 

But also, she stepped out on Saturday in a polka dot outfit as the paps were shooting her and the ring was present and accounted for. You know what else the ring is doing, though? It’s distracting from what I consider the real problem, the actual issue, the thing we should be debating each other over and brawling on the streets about…

THE THONG KITTEN HEEL. 

This is the crisis! We are in a fashion emergency situation. 

This is not the first time Hailey has worn a kitten heel. She wears them often and the kitten heel in general has been trying for a couple of years now to become a main character again, though we’ve been able for the most part to keep her in the background – more visible than, say, a decade ago but definitely not all that prominent where it’s an epidemic. 

This, though, is a thong kitten heel, aggressively. The thong kitten heel is the worst of all the kitten heels and she’s schemed her way onto Hailey Bieber who, as we have seen, has a powerful effect on white girl fashion and beauty trends. From nail polish to crop tops to bike shorts to hair length, if it’s seen on Hailey Bieber, they’ll be lining up around the block. 

Did she just incite a thong kitten heel tsunami? Is it coming for us? 

Hailey Bieber, what have you done!  

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