Arguments for:
- Don’t laugh. He owned Beijing and unless you’ve forgotten the 2008 Games were the most watched in history, propelled by the flippers of Dolphin Boy and then carried away on a Lightning Bolt
- But Bolt is not American. And America is the land of endorsements. Phelps’s success made him a marketing machine. Even I, overcome by insanity, wanted to be his girlfriend for a while. Ew!!!
- And since he’s been turned in a product, his public image is whitewashed to gleaming perfection. The MiniVan loves wholesome, which brings us to…
- His mother. Think about it. People’s demographic would have been losing their sh-t over the sweetness of his affection for his mother
- His body. Those abs. Please. Don’t try and tell me that body wasn’t the quiver
Arguments against:
- He’s an infant. And seeing his mother all the time only reinforces that
- The Olympics are forgotten. Swimming isn’t an in your face all the time sport. His momentum has not been sustained
- His commercials are f-cking lame
- Let’s be honest. From the neck up…well… as if
ODDS: 20 to 1