Intro for June 23, 2015

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2015 13:42:56 June 23, 2015 13:42:56

Dear Gossips,

As we all know now, Mimi is dating Australian billionaire James Packer who, obviously, has enough money and resources to woo her. But it’s not just about what you can buy for Mimi. With Mimi it has to be about the show too.

This is why she and Nick Cannon had to renew their vows every year when they were (happily) married. Mimi expects to be exalted. And the other night, Packer demonstrated this on his boat. According to TMZ, Packer hosted a party the other night off the coast of Sardinia. Oh, you know, just off the coast of Sardinia, no big. Apparently the only music they played the entire night was Mimi’s. Just Mimi songs to feed her ego, and her heart.

But remember, Mimi (allegedly) made Nick wait until they were wife and husband before she’d have sex with him. So. You know. It might be a lot of handholding and petting unless Packer puts up that ring. Some of you don’t believe it. Some of you don’t think it can happen, holding off until the wedding.

Remember, this is Mimi. And as Dean pointed out a long time ago:

“Mariah sexy” is not human sexy, so it’s still really hard to picture her actually fornicating. Whether it’s the Shake it Off video where she’s naked in a rose petal filled bathtub or alluding to a Naval gangbang, like in the Honey video, Mariah’s sexuality is just never that believable. It always seems too Sex and Romance 101, like she’s copying the ideas out of a Danielle Steele novel.

Think about it. Sex requires movement. Can you picture Mimi moving?

Yours in gossip,

Lainey


Tags: Mariah Carey
Previous Article Next Article