Jared Leto to ruin Andy Warhol next
Michel Dufour/ Getty Images
This week in “Of Course, Of F*cking COURSE” news, it’s been reported that obnoxious dickhead actor Jared Leto will portray Andy Warhol in a biopic of the artist titled simply Warhol. Leto will not be pissing out this performance as he did all his previous performances, since being the Third Worst Joker ruined his prick hole, so he will have to go to his asshole and sh*t this performance out like a little nugget of SUFFERING and DRAMA. The world anticipates an indefinite period of having to hear how Leto stapled wigs to his head or whatever completely unnecessary garbage he does to turn acting into a masculinity competition.
As if there was needed any more proof that we’re living in darkest timeline, we live in the version of the universe where Jared Leto is playing Andy Warhol and not Billy Eichner. In some other, kinder universe, where everyone is happy and has a unicorn best friend, Jared Leto faded after ScarJo dropped his ass and though he tried for a second career as a rock star, no one bought it and he disappeared into obscurity. Meanwhile, Billy Eichner won his first Oscar for playing Andy Warhol, because if you’re making an Andy Warhol biopic Eichner is the only choice to play the artist. He’s a performer who understands persona and spectacle and his chosen persona is basically the physical embodiment of your frustrated teenage revenge fantasies. If that doesn’t sound like the guy who should be playing Andy Warhol, then you don’t deserve a unicorn best friend.