Two sullen teenagers
madmax/ Splash News
We had a rough night last night. Barney, our dog, was sick and kept getting up so we kept getting up and the combination of fatigue and worry is the worst. There was happiness waiting for me on my phone when my alarm went off though. This Johnny Depp-Amber Heard apology video made me so happy for Monday. So happy for the morning. So happy to get up and get to work. (Barney is currently sunbathing on our back deck after, hopefully, puking up and sh-tting whatever mess he ate at the beach yesterday.)
As you know, Johnny and Amber did not follow the rules when they brought their dogs into Australia last year. And Australia has very strict rules about declaring. No exceptions. CLEARLY.
Barnaby Joyce is the Australian politician who made it his personal crusade – in the most obnoxious blow-hardy way possible – to take them down. And now we have all been rewarded for his efforts. Because this video is, maybe, the highlight of Johnny Depp’s career as a performer. The role: sullen punk teenager, forced by his parents to publicly apologise for being an asshole. That ever happen to you? You acted like a dick and your ma made you personally say sorry to everyone at dinner, in the middle of dinner? And even though you were too cool to do it, you also didn’t have any cards to play because ma was boss? Afterwards, you left the room, and all the adults burst into laughter.
That’s us. We the people, we are the adults, laughing at Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. While they continue to try to pretend their sh-t is gold and special. Like he hasn’t become a f-cking JOKE. Apparently he was falling asleep during the court proceedings and she was elbowing him to keep him awake. And that’s going to be his story, you know? Johnny Depp thinks he’s John Bender from The Breakfast Club and Barnaby Joyce is Principal Vernon. But the only reason that worked and why you felt for John Bender is because John Bender actually had it rough in life. Oh, and he was 18 years old. Johnny Depp is 50+. And owns a private island.
But, mostly, the reason why this is so satisfying? How often are celebrities held accountable? How often are they reckoned with when they f-ck up? Almost never. Until now.
Barnaby Joyce has made one of the biggest movie stars in the world get up and apologise in front the entire school. And now we can watch it, over and over and over again.
PS. Amber’s in a new movie with James Franco called The Adderall Diaries. She allegedly has a career independent of her role as her husband’s wife. And yet, the people involved in The Adderall Diaries don’t know how to spell her name. (thanks Christina!):