The Hollywood Foreign Press Association held a luncheon yesterday in Beverly Hills. You remember what Amy and Tina said of the HFPA at the Golden Globes? “There is no known cure for the Hollywood Foreign Press.” I just watched their opening monologue again. God that James Cameron joke still lands even after at least a dozen viewings. Full Story

Remember when I wrote about Vin Diesel maybe making something happen at Marvel, and I was like, Ugh, please just let him be the space tree that barely speaks? Well guess what? He’s the tree. Diesel, after weeks of buildup via Facebook and some pretty blatant campaigning, is in talks to portray Groot, the sort-of talking space tree in Guardians of the Galaxy. Full Story

I cannot stand Vin Diesel. CANNOT. STAND. I don’t have a good reason for it. (Lainey: I have several.) It’s just an irrational hatred that sprang from sitting through one too many of his terrible movies. I love bad action movies, and have an unusually high tolerance for the special brand of sh*tty actor that often stars in them, but Diesel is a charisma black hole that destroys everything around him, including my will to live when I’m watching one of his movies. Full Story

The Rock Dwayne Johnson has joined the Fast & Furious franchise. Here he is with Vin Diesel who I call Shrek because, obviously, and Paul Walker today in Moscow promoting the upcoming Fast Five which will make a stupid amount of money and that’ll be an excuse to make another one and…what else does Paul Walker do? The trailer is… ridiculous. Full Story

Well if that’s not a reason to quit Facebook... I don’t use Facebook. For various reasons, but mostly because it’s a time sucker. Today I am grateful for this, because I’ve now learned that Facebook users are the kind who voted Vin Diesel the Sexiest Man Alive. Really? Him? Shrek? He is Shrek. Full Story

There will be a fifth Fast & Furious movie. Yes, I agree. Oh lawd. But the People rushed the fourth one with the return of Shrek and Paul Walker. The People supported the franchise. And so the People are getting another. It will be called Fast Five. And Shrek and Walker this time will be joined by Dwayne The Rock Johnson who, apparently, is taking a break from family features. Full Story

Already? Didn’t seem like that took very long. Fast & Furious is now on DVD if you like that sort of thing – dumbasses not obeying the speed limit led by a grunting Shrek with big muscles also known as Vin Diesel. Ugh. He’s disgusting. Shrek showed up on the carpet last night because the event was also an opportunity to screen his short film Los Bandoleros. Full Story

Q: why do they keep making these movies?A: Paul Walker has no career otherwise. Same goes for Vin Diesel. Unless he wants to star in the live action version of Shrek. Because these are his only two options: 1. Driving fast and grunting or 2. Painting himself green and hanging out with Donkey. Q: why do they keep watching these movies???A: good taste is dead. Full Story

Shrek the Musical opens in Seattle today, heading to Broadway in December. Here’s Shrek as he will appear on stage played by Brian d'Arcy James. Terrible casting. Was Vin Diesel unavailable? As I’ve been saying for years, Vin Diesel IS Shrek. And everyone else is a poseur, including Mike Myers. Full Story

Vin Diesel has a girlfriend?!? Vin Diesel had a baby?!? Even more shocking… there are people who actually STILL care? Amazingly enough, yes…though these days it’s fewer and fewer. This is why he has to make yet another Fast and Furious movie. But if Ebola Paris Hilton can have fans, I suppose Vin Diesel can have fans too. Full Story

Long time readers of my column know my views on Jake"s maybe gaybe status. And while I don"t think he"s Toothy Tile, it doesn"t mean I"m 100% convinced he"s straight. We have debated this to death, and you can refresh your memories here Full Story

When I first met my husband, the two women on his Freebie 5 were Cameron Diaz and Heather Graham. Obviously, I married a blind man who grew up in a trailer park. And while his mother would totally kill me if she knew I said that – because Poles are far, far from trashy (she pulls out the best silver EVERY time we go over for dinner. Full Story

There are many types of gays. Naturally my friends and I love to label them all. Off the top of my head: there are fashionista gays, straightlaced gays, arty gays, motorbike butchy gays, Ian McKellan gays, and of course the beefcake gays - Oiled up, veins popping, muscles bulging, stupid as f&ck, and very, very sexually aggressive. Full Story