Yesterday was the London premiere of Guardians of the Galaxy, and Vin Diesel showed up in a tee shirt with his one line from the movie, “I am Groot”, printed on it and wearing a pair of stilts to make him taller like his space ent character, Groot. While Bradley Cooper is maybe-fighting Full Story

Guardians of the Galaxy has always been described as Marvel’s biggest risk to date, which is really saying something when you consider they bet their studio’s future against Iron Man’s success back when RDJ was still uninsurable. But making what amounts to the Marvel version of Spaceballs trumps even that risk, which means there are a lot of nerves from a lot of different directions surrounding Guardians. Full Story

Sasha sent this to me with the question: Should we invite Vin Diesel to join our hip hop dance crew? I need you to watch this for me. The whole thing. I need you to watch this for yourself. It’s a video that Vin Diesel uploaded to his Facebook. There are so many questions. Like: As Sasha asked – why would any human being post this for any other human being to see? And me – especially a famous one!? Also: Does he think he’s the sh-t? Or is he just goofing? Why is there so much tongue? Who’s supposed to be wanting his tongue? Why doesn’t he know the words? Don’t you think he should know the words? What is he thinking about when he goes into the corner and puts his hands in his pocket? Do you actually know anyone who’s seen Riddick? Does he have any friends? I can’t do anything else today. Full Story

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association held a luncheon yesterday in Beverly Hills. You remember what Amy and Tina said of the HFPA at the Golden Globes? “There is no known cure for the Hollywood Foreign Press.” I just watched their opening monologue again. God that James Cameron joke still lands even after at least a dozen viewings. Full Story

Remember when I wrote about Vin Diesel maybe making something happen at Marvel, and I was like, Ugh, please just let him be the space tree that barely speaks? Well guess what? He’s the tree. Diesel, after weeks of buildup via Facebook and some pretty blatant campaigning, is in talks to portray Groot, the sort-of talking space tree in Guardians of the Galaxy. Full Story

I cannot stand Vin Diesel. CANNOT. STAND. I don’t have a good reason for it. (Lainey: I have several.) It’s just an irrational hatred that sprang from sitting through one too many of his terrible movies. I love bad action movies, and have an unusually high tolerance for the special brand of sh*tty actor that often stars in them, but Diesel is a charisma black hole that destroys everything around him, including my will to live when I’m watching one of his movies. Full Story

The Rock Dwayne Johnson has joined the Fast & Furious franchise. Here he is with Vin Diesel who I call Shrek because, obviously, and Paul Walker today in Moscow promoting the upcoming Fast Five which will make a stupid amount of money and that’ll be an excuse to make another one and…what else does Paul Walker do? The trailer is… ridiculous. Full Story

Well if that’s not a reason to quit Facebook... I don’t use Facebook. For various reasons, but mostly because it’s a time sucker. Today I am grateful for this, because I’ve now learned that Facebook users are the kind who voted Vin Diesel the Sexiest Man Alive. Really? Him? Shrek? He is Shrek. Full Story

There will be a fifth Fast & Furious movie. Yes, I agree. Oh lawd. But the People rushed the fourth one with the return of Shrek and Paul Walker. The People supported the franchise. And so the People are getting another. It will be called Fast Five. And Shrek and Walker this time will be joined by Dwayne The Rock Johnson who, apparently, is taking a break from family features. Full Story

Already? Didn’t seem like that took very long. Fast & Furious is now on DVD if you like that sort of thing – dumbasses not obeying the speed limit led by a grunting Shrek with big muscles also known as Vin Diesel. Ugh. He’s disgusting. Shrek showed up on the carpet last night because the event was also an opportunity to screen his short film Los Bandoleros. Full Story

Q: why do they keep making these movies?A: Paul Walker has no career otherwise. Same goes for Vin Diesel. Unless he wants to star in the live action version of Shrek. Because these are his only two options: 1. Driving fast and grunting or 2. Painting himself green and hanging out with Donkey. Q: why do they keep watching these movies???A: good taste is dead. Full Story

Shrek the Musical opens in Seattle today, heading to Broadway in December. Here’s Shrek as he will appear on stage played by Brian d'Arcy James. Terrible casting. Was Vin Diesel unavailable? As I’ve been saying for years, Vin Diesel IS Shrek. And everyone else is a poseur, including Mike Myers. Full Story

Vin Diesel has a girlfriend?!? Vin Diesel had a baby?!? Even more shocking… there are people who actually STILL care? Amazingly enough, yes…though these days it’s fewer and fewer. This is why he has to make yet another Fast and Furious movie. But if Ebola Paris Hilton can have fans, I suppose Vin Diesel can have fans too. Full Story

Long time readers of my column know my views on Jake"s maybe gaybe status. And while I don"t think he"s Toothy Tile, it doesn"t mean I"m 100% convinced he"s straight. We have debated this to death, and you can refresh your memories here Full Story