Dear Gossips, 

Many eastern cities in Canada and the US are dealing with the first snowstorm of the season. I was watching local New York City news last night and this was the big story – the collisions, the transit delays, it was a terrible afternoon commute. Most people were really inconvenienced by the weather. 

You know who wasn’t? 

Our glittering, skinny Butterfly, obviously. Snow means the holiday season. And the holiday season means Christmas. And she owns Christmas. What’s Mimi’s favourite word at Christmas? This should be a Jeopardy answer: this word is the opposite of “bleak” in Mariah Carey’s vocabulary. 

What is “Festive”!

So she’s riding around New York, promoting her new album, Caution, just released today, and PLAYING HER OWN SONG…

And she claims that they normally don’t play it until they get to Aspen? 

As IFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. 

But OK, fine. If she says so, let’s let her have it. Never mind the series of Christmas concerts she performs every year before she heads to Aspen and “All I Want For Christmas is You” is always, always part of the performance so in her mind, is that the technicality? If she’s singing it herself, it means she’s not PLAYING it and listening to it… I guess? This is classic Mimi. She makes up and lives by all kinds of specific Mimi-fied rules. Like in her world, there are no birthdays, only anniversaries. She can only sleep with specific air requirements – humidifiers all over the place. And she apparently can only sleep with Apple TV set up in her room. Stairs are bad. Flat shoes are bad. We could spend all day doing this. I wish I could spend my days – with her – observing all the rules. This, however, is the most important rule: 

Or wait, no. Maybe it’s the “angles” rule. Certain angles only.

She looks great in this angle, doesn’t she? In her white dress, so f-cking skinny and hot and sexy and young, with all her upcoming promotional appearances – this is the only angle we should ever see her from, ever. 

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey