It was about 6 hours between the time our site manager Emily sent me the link to Michael Bae Jordan’s 73 Questions with VOGUE to when I actually watched it. There is only one person on earth that could make me wait all day before watching almost 9 uninterrupted minutes of my man. That person is Michelle Obama. My brother Sam and I went to Mrs. Obama’s event in Toronto yesterday and I am still on such a high, I will find any excuse to bring up the fact that I was in the same room as Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama, which is essentially what I just did. No shame. Don’t ask me to tell you about it. I will cry and never stop talking and you will regret it. I promise.
So, I had 6 hours to psyche myself up for Bae’s 73 Questions and for the love of dear sweet Blue Ivy, it did not disappoint. If you’ve seen any of the other videos in this series (save for Tracee Ellis Ross’ perfect turn), you know they can come off rehearsed, stiff and mostly awkward. The only thing stiff about this video is the lady boner it gave me. The first 35 seconds finds Michael in his garage gym, working out. I swear the VOGUE producers have been watching my daydreams. If any other celebrity opened their 73 Questions working out, I would probably call them a douche. I will be a hypocrite. I don’t care. This was brilliant. I resent the time wasted asking MBJ about whether he’s related to basketball royalty Michael Jordan because really? You used one of your 73 questions on what the “B” stands for? Step your game up, VOGUE.
There are no words to explain how I feel about my future in-laws making multiple appearances, only high-pitched sounds. Usually, I might be turned off by a 30-year-old man who may or may not live with his parents. In this case, I hope they live there and I hope they have barbecues every weekend and I hope our kids will get to experience their homemade lunches, unconditional love and Grandma’s famous rum cakes. Don’t get me started on the part when Michael Bae Jordan’s mother lovingly mocks the orange plaid suit he wore to the 2015 MTV Movie Awards. I didn’t have to Google that. I have all of MBaeJ’s suits catalogued to memory. My thirst is strong.
Aside from his adorable parents, the interview is so natural, funny and charming and just more proof I should leave my life partner and get engaged to the only prince I recognize.
Below is a collection of the MBJ answers that prove we are perfect for each other, accompanied by the uncanny reason why.
MBJ says he loves food. I love food!
MBJ says he loves ironing. I have so much clothes that need ironing!
MBJ wants to go to Tokyo. Me too!
MBJ’s two dating rules are that his date should never pick up a tab and she should never touch a doorknob. I absolutely want my dates to pick up the cheque in the beginning and I absolutely want them to open doors for me! (Does that make me a bad feminist?)
MBJ’s favourite line is, “where’s Wallace?” That line from The Wire made me weep for days and I just screamed when he said it. So yeah, mine too!
MBJ’s favourite beverage is apple juice. I love apple juice!
See, we’re soulmates. After 73 questions with Michael Bae Jordan, my major burning question is this: WHERE CAN I GET THAT KILLMONGER HOODIE? Give me all of the Black Panther swag. Give me more MBJ. I can’t f-cking wait for February.