You know it was coming.

There’s a special place in my heart for Jessica Simpson. She isn’t evil inside like Ebola Hilton. Porny’s issues stem from her father’s f-ckery, and the lack of true friendship and brain mass. But she’s not ill intentioned. There is genuine affection here.

But also amusement. Because when Jessica f-cks up, she does so in such spectacular fashion.

It’s like she gives us a keeper every year. A high waisted gift to remember on those dark days. When you need a pick-me-up. When you need an instant boost…

This is Jessica Simpson late last January at the – I’m not kidding – Annual Chili Cook-off dressed in some sh-t that had people talking for weeks. These photos ended up on every blog, in every magazine, in every raggy paper around the world. It was mortifying, for sure, but dude, if your best friend is a hairstylist, and you f-ckin’ pay people around you to make you look good, this should NOT be happening.

But we’re so happy it did.

Photos from and Ralph Notaro /