“Daddy will love me if I agree to be on this show. Jason, my fiancé, will love me even more if I agree to be in this show. Jason will be there, holding my hand. Jason is smiling at me and nodding his head in encouragement. I’m doing a good job. I’m making him proud of me.” - This is what I wrote last week in an article about Britney Spears’s first day on X Factor auditions, having bailed halfway through the day, incapable of getting through the job without several long “breaks”, and no doubt a booster handful of pills and some sweet-talking, both administered, presumably, by Jason Trawick, her fiancé and conservator who must now resort to video messages taken in bed, and posted on the internet as a public proclamation of his pride and love so as to keep his ward motivated.

Look, I know my threshold for public expressions of affection is lower than most. But lying down and massaging her with his words, like “Princess”, under the covers, warmed by the soft glow of sex lighting, asking her to come back to bed...I mean it can’t just be me, right?





Is this what we can expect for the next 6 months? Is this the only way she can go on? I worry that he’ll have to keep topping himself. This week it’s a 10 second love message fully clothed. Next week, as it gets harder and she gets more tired, he’ll have to take his shirt off. In a month he might even have to camera-tickle her. Did you just dry heave?