Lainey asked me to watch the Critics’ Choice Awards last night and I agreed, but before it started I went out to try and dig my car out of the accumulated ice and snow under which it was buried. I slipped on some ice and the snow shovel took a chunk out of my leg and after duct-taping it closed I took a bunch of codeine and sat down (read: collapsed) to watch the CCAs. Even stoned it was terrible, but at least there was eye candy aplenty as the CCAs scored a Marvel Bingo with the Chrises Evans, Hemsworth, and Pratt all in attendance.

And hey, I finally get it kinda with Hemsworth! It’s like a Brad Pitt circa Thelma & Louise thing, right? I mean, not that level, obviously, because nothing is on par with Brad Pitt circa Thelma & Louise, but that’s the vibe, right? He’s like a chill surfer who’s tall and blonde and chiseled. I think the de-Thorification helps, too, because he reads less beefcakey like this and I do like ’em lanky. Although maybe I should qualify this newly discovered Hemsworth love by pointing out that I also thought that Fifty Shades of Grey didn’t look so bad, so my judgment was questionable at best. Ask me again after the codeine wears off. You know who does love Chris Hemsworth unconditionally? Ron Howard. Hemsworth is his man-muse.

Beardy Chris Evans is dead, long live Beardy Chris Evans.